


Call It What You Want

by jaackwolf



Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Album: Flicker (Niall Horan), Album: Harry Styles (Harry Styles), Album: Made in the A.M. (One Direction), Album: Reputation (Taylor Swift), M/M, Song: Call It What You Want (Taylor Swift), Song: Flicker (Niall Horan), Song: New Year's Day (Taylor Swift)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22187575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaackwolf/pseuds/jaackwolf
Summary: Where Niall Horan is all that Harry Styles didn't know he needed until One Direction goes into a hiatus and Harry begins to miss something in his - until then - friend.© 2020 Jack Wolf. All rights reserved.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Harry Styles
Comments: 3
Kudos: 55





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. So, it's my first One Direction story, and I know I just stepped into dangerous ground, but I really love Narry Storan (somehow). Hope you enjoy it XOXO

**Message from Hazza :)**

Niall?

**Message from Nialler x**

Yep

**Message from Hazza :)**

Have you started missing it?

**Message from Nialler x**

The band?

**Message from Hazza :)**

Everything to do with

**Message from Nialler x**

I don't know, Hazza

It's too early to think anything about it

I also don't say anything not to get attention

You know how i am

**Message from Hazza :)**

Yes I know

Sure

I understand

**Message from Nialler x**

Do you miss it?

**Message from Hazza :)**

the band itself, no

but i miss y'all for sure

**Message from Nialler x**

It's ok to miss

In the beginning it is like this

**Message from Hazza :)**

I wish you were here

You know me the most

Do you know

Of all of them

I ran to you when I had trouble

**Message from Nialler x**

You can still run to me

Any time you want

I'm a flight away;)

Harry stares at the phone screen with an involuntary smile.

Yes, he really wants to fly to Niall.

But it is impossible at the moment.


	2. one: harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry misses Niall. And it's Christmas eve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every chapter will feature its narrator on the title, just like this one ;)

_"Haz?" I hear Niall Horan's soft voice calling me on the dark bunk of our tour bus. He had sneaked to my bed a couple of minutes ago, saying he had another nightmare, so we're kind of cuddled up right now._

_"Yeah?" I say, my nose touching the back of his neck._

_"I have to tell you something."_

_"You can tell me anything, Ni. You know it."_

_"Yeah, but it's not something that I can tell everybody."_

_"Oh, so am I special?" I say with a lower voice than his and tickling his waist, making him stifle a laugh on the pillow._

_"Don't do it", he says, still trying not to laugh._

_"Okay, I'll stop. You can tell me."_

_He takes a deep breath in, turning around to look right into my eyes._

_"Harry, I'm bisexual."_

♚♚

With Little Mix's "Love Me Like You" playing on the background of the living room, I sit up on my bed. It's Christmas morning, and I know there's a breakfast coming because 1) I smell it and 2) my mom never plays songs that I like unless she is trying to please me. 

I love her for that.

I pull up on my gray sweatpants and a Jack Daniels-esque T-shirt, going down the stairs right after that. Anne is right there, waiting for me, with a smile on her face and toasted bread on her hands.

"Good morning, son."

"Morning, mom", I say, hugging her and taking the breads from her hands a second later. I sit at the table, where Gemma is already waiting for me, her mouth full of bacon.

"Good morning for you too", I say, smirking right after. "I thought you would wake me up today."

"And I went to your room, in fact", she says, after swallowing the food, "but you had such a smile on your face while you were asleep... and I couldn't wake you up right like that."

"You sure you saw him smiling, Gemma? It's literally the thing I've been begging him to do ever since the hiatus", my mom laughs at her own commentary. "Why were you smiling, my dear?"

"I don't know. Ask my dreams."

But I know exactly what I was thinking of when Gemma caught me smiling on my sleep. I mean, I don't know it exactly 'cause my memory is not one of the best, but I bet that I was dreaming about Niall. Or with Niall. Or both. 

They say you don't know what you have until it's gone. It's what I think about when I remember that I probably lost Niall forever, after the break of our band. I hate to think that we'll never get back together on the road, pranking each other on stage, cuddling on bed after every single show, and shit like that. 

I miss him. Too sad to say it's true. I wish I didn't miss him, at all, if that's what you want to know. Because missing him means that I love him - and I can't love him.

Damn, he's straight. And miles away from me. Fuck. Insert here all the curse words of the world.

**Message from Harry:**

_Merry Christmas, Nialler_   
  


I send the message without thinking too much about it. I hate when my feelings overpower my thoughts and make me do things like that. 

But somehow I love it when he answers back.

**Message from Niall:**

_Hey, Hazza_

_Merry Christmas for you too :)_

There's a smile on my face. I don't even have to look at myself in the mirror - I already know it. He's so sweet for answering me in a time when everyone locks down their phones to focus on the family.

"You're doing that again", Gemma points out at my face.

"Doing that? That what?"

"That smile you had when you were sleeping." She says, laughing at herself somehow. "You like whoever you're texting."

"That's not true." I try to deny it, but it's already too late.

"Okay, Harry. You don't need to say a thing. But time will eventually knock on our door to push the feelings on your face."

"Wow. What a metaphor."

"You're welcome."

**Message from Niall:**

_How's your family?_

I'm surprised by another text from him. _Damn it. Control yourself, Harold._

**Message from Harry:**

_Happy. I guess_

_They haven't seen me for months, so I guess they're happy_

_And yours?_

**Message from Niall:**

_We're good, too_

_They miss you here, did you know that?_

Don't do that to me, Niall. Don't make me miss you more.

**Message from Harry:**

_I bet they love me more than they love you_.

**Message from Niall:**

_Don't do that, Haz_

**Message from Harry:**

_Do what?_

**Message from Niall:**

_Make me miss you just like them._

♚♚

_My cellphone rings three times under my pillow before I take it to see who the fuck is calling me at 3AM. I barely see the name on the phone screen before I answer the call._

_"Who is it?"_

" _Harold?_ " _I hear his soft voice from the other side of the call. No way._

_"Nialler?"_

_"Yeah, it's me." I sit up on my bed to hear him better. "I know it's way late, but I can't sleep."_

_"Why?"_

_"I don't know. There's this fear overtaking me ever since I went to bed. I'm afraid it's a crisis, Harry."_

_"I'm going."_

_In four steps, I put some clean clothes on me - I generally sleep in my underwear - and I pratically run to his hotel room, which is next to mine. He opens the door at the same time I reach it, and I wrap my arms around his waist, holding him tightly against my body._

_"I'm sorry for waking you up, Ha--"_

_"Don't be", I interrupt him. "It's okay now. Let's get some sleep."_

_We lay down on his bed, his head resting on my chest, his hands aligned with my hips and my hands caressing his hair slowly. Sometimes Niall has anxiety crisis in the middle of the night, and although I had already told him to talk about it with a therapist, he refuses to seek for help, waking me up every time._

_I don't mind. If he needs me, I'll be there for him. Always._

_"Feel better?" I ask, still messing with his fake blonde curls._

_"Yeah", he says with a low voice. "Thank you. For calming me down."_

♚♚

My eyes open with the end of the dream. I smile at myself for reminding of the tour days, when Niall used to sneak into my room to get some sleep after a nightmare or a crisis - or when I used to sneak into his room to do the same. No one knew about this little secret, and we were comfortable with it.

Now I miss his body laying next to mine, sleeping in peace after cuddling with me.

But I don't know if he feels the same, in fact.

My cellphone rings, just like in the dream, leading me out of my own thoughts. I check up the screen to see who is calling me, and my eyes almost drop out of my face with the vision.

"Nialler?" I ask, putting the phone on my left ear.

"Hey", he says, the tone of his voice being somewhat excited, "wanna hang out?"

"What?"

"It's fucking December 31, I'm in Cheshire, at your door, and I want to hang out with you."

I can feel my jaw drop to the floor at this point.

"Wait, are you here? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to make a surprise."

"Why?"

"Open the door."

I jump out of bed, coming down the stairs so fast that even my sister is startled by the noise I make.

"What's happening, Harry?" She says, laid down on the couch.

I don't answer, only opening the door and almost feeling tears streaming down my face with the sight of Niall James fucking Horan dressed in blue sweatpants and an orange jumper, with a wheeled suitcase by his side and a smile on his face.

"No way."

"Way."

"Niall."

"Harry."

"Why are you here at new year's eve?"

"Because I missed you."

Niall suddenly wraps his arms around my waist, the difference between our heights favoring his move. I feel my cheeks hurt from smiling so much with what's happening now, _like, what the hell? The man of my dreams in my door just like in that Taylor Swift song?_

_Oh, about Taylor. I'll talk about it later._

I hug him back, closing my eyes to live the moment. God, I wish I could never let him go. But it's not reciprocal, Harry, put it in your head.

"What about your family, Niall?"

"They'll be fine. They know I miss my friend." My heart melts with his words. _Friend._ I don't care. At least we're still friends after all this time. "Also, I have an idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts about it???


	3. two: niall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's new year's eve.

"I have an idea." My lips betray my thoughts for the tenth time ever since Christmas day, when I realized that I missed him too much to not come back to his arms like that.

I can't clearly tell you how I ended up booking a flight to Cheshire just to see Harold Edward Styles. But I can tell you something - it's really worth the risk, now that his hands are intertwined with mine, leading me to his living room's couch like nobody's watching us here. And I know Gemma is hidden somewhere in the kitchen, trying to see what we're doing, but I don't care. First, because it's Harry's home, Harry's family. They can do whatever they want.

Second, because, like I said before, I missed him too much to care about it.

"What do you have in mind?" He says, looking at me with a confused face. I put down my suitcase and relax myself on the couch, dropping his hands just to put my legs over his thighs.

"Since I had no idea if you would say yes or no to my proposal, let's just say that I'd really like to spend New Year's eve with you, my friend", I answer his question.

"Niall..."

"What? Do you have better plans?"

"No, of course not", he seems a little lost in his own words, as he tries not to look at my face while he thinks of an answer. "I just didn't expect you here. It's been almost a year since we parted ways, you know."

"I know, and I thought it would make me feel better to live on my own too", I say, taking a deep breath right after that. "Honestly, I don't know what kind of crazy idea crossed my mind to make me come here to see you. I just had to see if I really missed you, I guess."

"And you do?"

"Yep", I smirk. "Did you?"

"A lot", he says, finally looking at me and putting a tiny smile on his face. "But we didn't even arrange the guest room for you, Nialler."

"I can make up with anything."

"No, you deserve the best. Wait right here", he says, gently tapping my legs so I can take it out from his lap. "Mom!" He screams, and somehow I manage to laugh at it.

♚♚

"There's gonna be some fireworks tonight. The mayor is promoting a whole show", Harry says, while helping me carry my suitcase up the stairs of his house. "I know we cannot go if we don't want to cause a commotion, you know."

"It's okay", I answer him. "I guess we can do something fun at the backyard."

"Oh, what about a barbecue? Gemma's boyfriend can come and help us", he seems really happy to come up with this idea, and so I agree with him.

He sets up my suitcase on the guest room's bed, taking a couple of deep breaths after that.

"There it is. _Mi casa es su casa_... or something like that", Harry laughs at himself.

"Thank you", I say, letting out a smirk on my face. "Do you know what time is it?"

"Hum, I guess it's..." He pulls his cellphone out from the pocket of his sweatpants, checking the screen. "Four P.M. We still have a lot of time before the countdown."

"Great. I'll take a quick shower now."

"What do you wanna do next?"

"I don't know. Anything you want."

"We can watch a movie. Gemma just got an Amazon Prime account, what do you think?" He says, a little bit excited, again, with his own idea.

It seems like he was waiting for this moment, too. I can only smile at his excitement. He's always been like that, ever since the early "Take Me Home" days, when, literally, all he wanted to do was cuddle with someone and watch two, three movies _per_ night. Since no one else was mellow like him, I ended up doing it with him on most of the free time we had.

I missed that, too.

"It seems brilliant, Haz", I say, gently poking his left cheek with my fingers. "Good boy, go choose a movie while I get ready, okay?"

He nods, leaving the room so I can do whatever I need.

Later on, we're laying down on the couch, watching some old Christmas animated movie with a bucket of popcorn on my lap and two cups of soda on his thighs. Although Harold seems way too focused on the movie - just like every time he sits up to watch something -, I'm way too focused on not smiling to myself every time I hear his laugh by my side. 

I can smell his hair from here. It's perfect. I can see him smiling from the corner of my right eye. It's perfect, too.

Harold Edward Styles is the definition of "flawless". The best friend I could ever ask. The best man I could ever have in my life, too.

But, somehow, I have been forbidding myself from any other feelings that I may have from him.

♚♚

_"Haz." I knock on his bedroom door for the fifth time, still hoping he will answer me. He has been acting weird all day, and it became worse after we finished our show in Philly tonight. He stormed out of the bus as soon as we reached the hotel, and he did not even answer my calls. Okay. I'm worried. Say it to my face. "Please. It hurts me to imagine you're alone in there."_

_This time, I hear footsteps from inside. Suddenly the door opens and there's Harold, looking exhausted - but not in a good meaning._

_"Oh, God", that's all I can say, pulling him inside, locking the door behind us and embracing him tightly. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?"_

_He does not answer verbally. His hands are placed in my back, while I hear his nose sniffle on my shoulder. He has been crying. God damn it, who could make Harry cry?_

_"Okay, you won't tell me. I won't force anything", I whisper into his left ear. "But it makes me wanna cry just to see you hurt, Haz."_

_"I'm sorry", he finally opens his mouth, "I can't tell you right now. I'm sorry, I love you, but I can't--"_

_"Don't worry about it. Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?"_

_He nods, leading me to his bed - like the old times - and I lay down first, his head resting on my chest and his face hidden between his hands._

_"Do you want me to sing, Harry?"_

♚♚

"You. Are. A. Goddess", I say slowly to Anne, after finishing my full plate of her Christmas turkey leftovers, "You make miracles. That's why you're my second mother!"

"Oh, what a silly boy you are, Niall", she answers, smiling to me.

"I'm wondering if you really missed me or my mother", Harry jokes, laughing at himself right after. 

"Anne, are you sure Harold is not the silly boy in here?" I joke back, making his eyes widen at my answer.

"You two are silly. Done."

"You're embarassing me now, Nialler", he says, hiding his face on my right shoulder, and I laugh at him, kissing the top of his head. "Stop. You're making me flush."

"You're kind of handsome when you flush. Come on, let me see." My index finger goes up to his chin, raising his face so that I see him blush in front of me. "Damn. I could marry you right now."

We had this thing back at our last tour - to find any excuse to say "we're getting married!" in front of people so we could make each other blush. Just like right now. He started with this at some point of 2015, and I can tell you that it scared the hell out of me at first. Not because of the sudden affection he started showing for me, but because I knew it all would end along with the tour. And I did not want it to end.

Not when I was finally breaking down my walls for him.

"Niall, can you convince him to cut his hair short? Look at this!" Gemma points to a tuft of hair on the floor. "It's falling everywhere!"

"Don't start with that topic, sis", he says, still laying on my shoulder. "Don't."

"She's kinda right, Haz", I say, just to challenge him. "No one will notice it, since you're basically retired from media ever since March."

"No, not you, Ni. I know you love my hair."

"Used to", I joke, but still with a serious expression on my face. "What else can I say to make you do what I want?"

He pretends to think about the right answer. Soon he reaches my hands and intertwine our fingers.

"You could say you love me right now."

"I do love you, Harold", he smirks after hearing my words, until the second after I finish my sentence. "This is _exactly_ why I'm asking you that."

"Shit. I forgot you always turn my arguments in your favor."

"Will you ever listen to me? The love of your life?"

"I always listen to you, that's the problem", he jokes back, and we laugh at the same time.

"It's time for the countdown, boys", Anne calls us from the backyard. 

Gemma follows her, and we are the last ones to leave the dining room. Suddenly I feel Harry patting my bum, and my eyes roll at his attitude.

"Why did you do that?" I say, still pretending to be shocked.

"Did what?"

"Oh, no."

"What, Ni?"

"Don't pretend you didn't do that. I hate it."

"Hate what?"

"Harold." I say with a serious tone, and he laughs at me. "You think you're so funny, don't you?"

"And that's what you love the most in me."

When the new year of 2017 arrives, Harry goes to wrap his arms around my waist first, and, with no way out, I wrap mine around his neck.

"Happy new year, Niall. I'm happy you're here, by the way." He whispers to me, and I can't stop myself from blushing after that.

"Don't make me fall in love with you right now, Styles."

 _Not again_ , I complete myself mentally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts about this one?


	4. three: harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cleaning up bottles and eating macaroni and cheese at new year's day.

I hate how needy I am when I'm close to that handsome almost-not-blonde-anymore man called Niall James Horan. But I can't help myself with it - he gets all my jokes, he knows when I need space and he knows when I need someone around.

Just like now.

It's New Year's day. He woke up first, going down the stairs to help mum clean the dishes from last night. I can't even get up from bed due to the seven shots of tequila I took after the midnight hour. Shots that I took to forget that Niall was taking care of me again - and only because he knew I would drink that much.

Something Louis would never do.

_"Harold", Niall screams my first name, when he sees my face for the first time after that happening last night. "The bruise. Will you explain it or do I have to ask Liam about it?"_

_I try to hide my face with my hands right after he says it. Not enough - he's coming closer to me now, willing to see it better._

_"Haz. Please. I won't hurt you."_

_"I know", I say, already choking on my words. "I know."_

_"Let me see it", his fingers touch mine, and I finally surrender to his move. "Oh, Harry, no, no, no", his voice chokes too._

_"Please, don't cry, Ni", I say, knowing my tears are already coming out. "I hate to see you cry."_

_"Who did that to you?" I'm sobbing by this point. I can't even open my mouth to say anything to make him feel better, since I'm the hurt one here. "You're not gonna say it, right? Okay."_

_Suddenly he wraps my arms around my waist, and I cry out loud on his shoulder. I can't take that anymore._

_I swear it will be the last time I cry for that sucker. And I swear he won't make Niall cry too._

Shaking my thoughts away, I grab my cellphone and make a simple tweet - a tradition among my fans - about the new year.

 _"It's 2017. Be nice. Be good."_ It's what I tweet.

I get up from the mattress, suddenly feeling everything spinning around me. 

It's the headache. W _elcome, my dear_.

"You better sit down", Niall's voice fills the bedroom. "I brought you Advil."

"Thanks", I say, taking the cup of water and the Advil tablet from his hands. I take it while feeling a slight pain in my head. "Damn. Am I dead?"

He laughs, sitting by my side right after and caressing my back for a while.

"Not officially, I guess", he answers me, "although you look like you died if I judge by the fact that it's almost 1P.M. and you just decided to wake up now."

"No way. I missed the breakfast time."

"It's New Year's day, Haz", he shrugs. "Don't worry about it."

We stay silent for a couple of seconds, before I lay down on bed again, pulling Niall's body with me in the process. He laughs again, wrapping his arms around my neck.

"I wish we were still together on the road", he says. His index finger starts to draw imaginary circles on me, and I shiver with his move. "You were my best friend."

"How can you say that when we had Liam there too?" I joke. "There's no way _I_ was _your_ best friend, Ni. I mean, look at me. I ran away on the first opportunity I had."

"I'm looking at you", his eyes find mine. "And I still truly believe you were my best friend."

"Prove it."

"You let me call you in the middle of the night to talk about my bad dreams. Not even Greg wants to hear me at this point of life, can you imagine that?"

I nod. His chin is resting on my chest now, and I'm pretty sure I'll panic one way or another.

"I'm just an average friend."

"No, you're not, Harold Edward Styles."

"Prove it."

"I don't need to prove anything. At least not right now", he sits up on the bed, breaking our contact. "Shit, Harry, I did in fact let you scream out loud in front of thousands of fans that if you were a woman for 24 hours, you would do **me**!"

"You still remember that", I start laughing at this. "OK, you got a point."

"Of course I remember", he rolls his eyes, touching my forearms. "Now get up from this bed and let's go make some lunch for us."

"Where's mum?"

"She went out with Gemma and her man for something that I definitely do not remember."

 _Shit._ We're alone.

We decided to do macaroni and cheese for lunch, which is literally one of the only four things I can cook on a kitchen - all four I learned from my mum, so it must say something about me. Niall barely did anything, since I'm so methodic with the things I do that I don't let anybody else do it for me. 

Once it's all ready, I tell him to find a seat at the kitchen's dinner table and I put some of the food on his plate. Right after that I serve myself and sit in front of him, waiting for his reaction. Once he takes a fork full of macaroni and cheese to his lips, I know my mind is going to get loose any second. 

He really has no idea of how sexy he seems right now.

"What you're looking at?" Niall says, while still swallowing some of the food in his mouth. 

_At your fucking handsome look today_ , that's what I want to say. But instead, I just laugh out loud.

"Nothing. You look weird when you eat. Just that."

"Uh-huh, I'll pretend that I believe ya", he answers once his mouth is free to talk. "But you're still looking at me, Harry."

"Waiting for a reaction."

"Oh", his eyes are wide open now, "it's heavenly, Haz. Like everything you do, God damn it! It's perfect. Seriously, it is."

His excitement about it makes me happy inside. I try to hide a smile on my face, thinking of ways to keep him feeling good like this. 

"You're still looking." Niall's words take me out of my thoughts. "You should eat it too."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right."

After we finish lunch, he offers to wash the dishes, but at my insistence, we end up sharing the task. Silence is all that we can hear on the meantime, because I have no idea of topics to talk about with him. It's been months without standing next to him, it's true, and I thought that it would be enough to make us talk about everything that can cross our minds.

But a relationship does not work like that. I should've known it before. To build a consistent ground, it takes time. To rebuild a friendship, it takes way more time. I don't wanna lose him now, but I don't want us to fight about something stupid I may say.

"Stop screaming, Haz", he breaks the ice between us, "I can hear your mind shouting from here."

"No way", I turn to face him. "You read minds?"

"Only yours. I know, it sounds weird."

"It doesn't."

"You sure?" This time, he turns to face me, with a smirk on his face. "Because, to be honest, I don't fucking know why my mind connects so much hard with yours."

"Maybe we're soulmates and you're the only one who didn't notice that", I joke, throwing some liquid soap on his chin and laughing right after.

"Don't play with those things", he says, after finishing his part on the task. "I'm a hopeless romantic and you know it very well."

"Oh, are you?" I joke again. _I should stop._ I know it. _But I can't resist testing my friend._

"Yeah. As far as I can remember, you're the one in this room who should not believe in love anymore, huh?"

His words shut me up. I look for air to breathe and not fall to my knees right now for all the memories that are coming to my head. About _him_. This is enough to make Niall cover his mouth with his left hand - _at least_ he realized the weight of what he just said.

"Harry, I'm so sorry", he pleads, taking my fingers between his and leading me to the couch. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said it. It wasn't even a good joke. I'm sorry. I know we never talk about it, it's not gonna be now that we'll do it, I'm sorry, Harry, just tell me if something hurts in you and I'll swear I'll leave you alon--" he seems to be way more nervous than me now, because I'm finally breathing at the same time he's losing his mind. 

That's when I interrupt him by wrapping my arms around his neck, leaving a gentle peck there.

"I'm sorry", he says it again, his body still close to mine.

"It's okay. It's okay, don't put yourself down like this, please", I answer, with no idea of where I took strength from to calm him down when I'm nervous too. "I hate to see you like this."

My face keeps buried on his neck for a couple of seconds, until he forces a throat clearing and breaks the contact between us.

"Haz."

"What?" I look deeply into his eyes.

He keeps looking back at me, with a smirk on his face and a little bit of shine on his eyes. _Just like always_ , I say to myself.

But nothing comes out of his mouth. Instead, mum and Gemma come home right in this moment, and soon we're at different places of the house, doing different things, acting like that ten seconds of silence after the panic never happened.

_Just like never before._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i seriously have no idea how this story will end. but it will be worth the wait, i promise.


	5. four: niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a memory to hold on to

"I almost did it, Perrie", my voice cracks into the phone call, my eyes almost burning in tears. "I almost told him."

"Told him what? Because there's a lot of things you want to tell him, Niall", she answers from the other side of the line.

I don't know how my friendship with Perrie Edwards started - she just happened to be there when I needed someone who wasn't the one I was in love with. In fact, Perrie and my brother Greg are the only ones who know the truth, and I'd prefer to keep things like this before it turns out to be a big storm I cannot control.

It's complicated. I feel love for Harry, but at the same time, I never had the chance to realize if it's really love or just my body burning in desire for a man like him. I said what I said.

"That I'd never hurt him because I'm in love with him."

"What did you do?"

"We were joking around on the kitchen and I said something about Louis."

"No way", I can definitely imagine Perrie breathing heavily, looking at herself in the mirror and thinking _what the hell is wrong with this dude_. Just like she always does. "Gosh, Niall, watch your mouth!"

"Do you think I don't know that?" I shout back. "I felt so guilty and we were so close and I panicked an--"

"Stop", she interrupts me. "Being nervous won't take your arse anywhere. He already knows you're sorry, right?"

"Of course he does."

"Then do something to make things up with him. Attitude, Niall James Horan. That is the word."

I knock on Harry's bedroom door four times. My secret lucky number. I hear him mumble something like "come in" and I turn the door knob, walking in calm footsteps into his bed right after. 

Harold looks stunning, like always, although he's only wearing his classic gray sweatpants and a... One Direction-themed T-shirt. _Don't ask me why_. His hair is a mess, the curls about to fly in every single direction of this room, and I suddenly remember something we could do.

"Are you gonna let me cut your hair, H?" I simply say, still standing on my feet, waiting for an answer from the man in front of me. He looks deeply in my eyes and I can feel he's about to laugh, when he stands up from his bed and walks to where I'm standing.

"You're not going to feel relieved about that thing until you make it up, right?" He says back, with a smirk on his face. His left hand softly grasps what's left of my blond hair.

"Yeah. I'm so sorry, Haz, I love you and I wanna do it. And your hair looks terrible."

"Won't take it as an offense", his joke makes me laugh a little. And I already know my face looks like a tomato because of his fingers riding my hair, what makes this scene a little bit more... awkward. To say at least. "Ok. You can cut my hair."

"Oh, my--"

"But there's a condition", he fires back, leaving me speechless. "You must kill your blond hair too."

"Oh, Harold." He smiles, burying his face on my neck, and I know it's just a way he found out to please me so I'll do what he wants. "Don't do it."

"Do what?" He plants a quick kiss right behind my left ear, and I feel myself shiver at the touch.

"Har--" I can't complete my sentence. "What are you doing?"

Harry stops kissing my neck, and the space between us comes back. I want to pull his body into mine again, but I know I can't. I want to taste his lips, but I know I can't. I want to mess with his hair while we're kissing, but I know I can't.

"Nothing", he shrugs, like the last twenty seconds never happened at all. "Will you kill this hair?"

"Fuck yeah."

"It's done. You can open your eyes now."

Harry initially seems scared to follow my instruction, but as soon as I touch his cheekbone with my thumbs, he feels comfortable and open his eyes wide for me. I pull back so he can see himself in the mirror, his jaw barely dropping to the floor seconds after that. I grin a bit with the sight in front of me, and put my hands on each of his shoulders.

"What do you think, Haz? Did I do a wonderful work?"

He doesn't answer me. Instead, his eyes are still wide open and I start wondering if he's hating the result of the haircut.

"Nialler."

"You hated it", I start panicking, pacing the room back and forth to the position where Harry is sitting. "I'm sorry if you hated it, I just wanted to end the torture of presencing your hair go wilder above your head."

He suddenly gets up from the chair, wrapping his arms around my waist and, once again in this day, burying his face on my neck, planting quick pecks there.

"Thank you", he mutters. "It's perfect."

"No, it's not", I say, "you'll eventually have to fix it with a professional, you know."

"Still perfect, Ni. Still perfect. I wanna show it to Gemma, she will freak out."

"Woah, woah, you need to calm down. Take a shower first", I pat his left shoulder. "You better do as I say."

"I will, _daddy_ ", his words make me laugh out loud - like, really loud. "What?"

"Don't know. The way you said _daddy_ maybe did hit me different", I joke, rolling my eyes as I leave his bedroom.

"I love you!" I hear him scream from his bathroom, and I can't stop myself from smiling widely after hearing him say those words.

I wait for him on the living room, watching celebrations of the new year around the world, but my head is definitely on the clouds. I guess you can tell that I'm always daydreaming about a hundred things in a single day, and I guess I can tell you that's right. I had a little trouble with that when I was younger and still a high school student, trying to find a place in the world - or something like that - until Simon Cowell put me in a band, and the rest is history.

_Literally._

I try to think of words I can choose to tell Harry about my feelings. Feelings that did not fade away ever since we became close friends. I mean, how can you basically declare your love and affection for someone who only sees you as a friend/more-like-a-brother for a couple of years? _It's not hard_ , I tell myself. Although I know it can ruin everything we've built all this time.

That's the part I fear the most.

"Horan", a dark shadow appears in front of me, almost scaring my entire body. I look up just to realize it's Harry, with a washed hair, completely different clothes and a smirk on his face. "You spaced out again?"

"Yeah, sorry", I smile back, giving space on the couch for him to lay down next to me. "Has your sister seen it?"

"She's not home. Again", Harry shrugs, putting his right arm around my neck. "What can we do tonight?"

"Wasn't you supposed to kill my blond hair or something like that?"

"Nah, I'm tired."

"Damn, we look exactly like who we used to be on our first tour", the words slip out of my mouth. I don't know why I'm talking about past when we don't even have decided what to do now, but as soon as I'm realizing, we're into this topic.

"What do you mean?"

"Remember when we had, literally, nothing to do on the tour bus and so we just kept staring at the ceiling all the time?" He laughs, probably reminding himself of those days. "Liam and I, we, kind of, invented a challenge because of that."

"The first one to come up with a really great idea to make time pass faster would sleep in the best bunker of the bus", Harry completes verbally what I was thinking of, making me smile proudly. "And the last one would sleep in the couch. A terrible idea, I must say."

"Of course it was a terrible idea. You lost the challenge almost every time we made it!"

"Not a fair game, okay?" He looks really outraged by this. "Zayn was the best at playing it, we gotta credit him for the success."

"Yeah." It's always a hard feeling that comes with the 'Zayn' topic. But we're slowly trying to ease it ever since the end of the 'Made in the A.M.' era. "He was really good at it."

Suddenly, I hear an unexpected rain pour down outside the house, and an unexpected idea comes to my mind, taking me off guard. The words, once again, are said before I can think about it.

"We should cuddle up. The rain outside is a perfect sign for it."

He looks at me with a little bit of disbelief in his eyes, but he shrugs for the fifth time today.

"My bed or yours?"

"Mine. It's a king-sized bed, you know", I say, getting up from the couch and extending my hands so he can hold on to me to get up too.

Five minutes later, we're cuddled at the big bed on the guests' room. The fingers of my right hand are tangled between his hair strands, while my left hand rests above his chest, his hand above mine too.

"Niall."

"Yeah?"

"I said earlier that I love you."

"I know."

"I still do."

I can't contain a smile on my face. I want to cry just because I heard those words from him.

"In what way?" I ask, without thinking too much about it.

"All the possible ways." He turns around, lying on his back. My arm is still resting on his chest, but now, I draw imaginary hearts with my index finger on his T-shirt. My eyes don't meet his until he lifts my chin, and this is how I realize that _I'm so fucked up for loving my friend_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes i get crazy and write two chapters back to back. don't worry about me, i'll be fine


	6. five: harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one with the feelings flying all around

Niall went to sleep in his room a couple of hours ago. I can't even close my eyes. And I know it's three in the dawn, but somehow, I just can't take a rest. 

I hate when it happens. When my body refuses to find peace and my mind does the same. When I suddenly start reminding past memories of when One Direction was still a fever in the world, when we had fame, money, the top of the charts and our fans. When I had Louis Tomlinson, or I thought I had him. When I had Niall James Horan to comfort me every time something went wrong. When my biggest problem at the time was the chocolate cookies not being in my bed every morning, like Niall used to do for me every time I had a bad night.

I wonder if he had feelings for me back in 2014. I wonder if he still has feelings for me today. I wonder if that's why he came to Cheshire.

And now I'm paranoid with these thoughts. _Fuck it._

I get up from bed, shaking away all traces of sleep that are still left in me. I go down the stairs and head straight for the backyard, carrying my duvet on my back. Sitting down on the wood bench, I wrap my body in the duvet and stare at the moonlight above me. 

_Don't think about him, Harold, don't think about him_ , I say to myself multiple times. _He does not deserve your attention. He never did. Louis was such a shitty man to you._

"Haz." Niall's soft voice makes my eyes go widen.

"Still awake?" I answer, my eyes still focused on the moon, my body trying not to shiver at the presence of the blond man here.

"Heard you muttering at the stairs", he says, sitting next to me and pulling a part of the duvet to cover his legs too. "Anything wrong?"

"Louis." It's all I can say.

_"Stay the fuck away, Horan", Louis points a finger straight to Niall's face, his left hand still gripping my arm tightly. "This conversation is between me and Harry."_

_Niall looks scared as hell. My neurons scream for me to let go of his grip and hold on to Nialler as soon as I can. But if he's scared, so am I. Don't know what to do without evoking his wrath. I fear him right now._

_"Let go of Harry's arm, Louis", it's all the blondie says, "it's hurting him."_

_"Who are you to deduce he's hurting? You saw what he did in front of me. In front of me!"_

_"Stop it. Harry did nothing wrong", Niall tries to defend me, one step closer to us now. Now I fear for him too._

_"Niall, don't", my voice sounds cracked at my words. "It's fine."_

_"No, it's not", he shouts this time. Shit. "Louis."_

_"Tell him we're just gonna talk like two adults, Styles", Lou yells at me. "Tell him!"_

"He was a shit one", Niall says, smirking at the end of the phrase.

"Yeah, he was", I try to shake off the bad feelings about the memory. "But he still haunts me."

He remains silent for the next 30 seconds. I can only hear his deep breath by my side, and I want to say something to break the ice. To make him look at me again.

"Haz." His cracked tone of voice calls my attention.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have... huh--", he stops himself in the middle. I turn around only to see his confused face.

"Yeah?"

"I don't know how to start this conversation."

"Well... start with the beginning."

"Idiot." He laughs. "It's a serious topic, okay?"

"Just be honest, Nialler."

"Did you ever have feelings for me?"

I choke a little bith with his question.

"I knew I shouldn't ask that", he starts being sorry, and all I want is to shut his mouth before things go too far. "Sorr--"

"I did", the words slip out of my mouth, cutting his apologize. "I fell in love with you once."

He doesn't say a thing. Instead, he nods at me, urging me to keep talking.

"2015, I guess. I mean, I had liked you before, but when Louis and I... you know what happened", he nods again, and I shiver at the thought of that day. "I just used to have a gay panic every time you dared to exist in front of me. And I'm serious."

"Oh, so I was such a menace, huh?" Niall jokes, poking my shoulder.

"Shut up, you asked for it", I joke back. "I just fell in love with everything about you. But I tried to kill these feelings because I thought I was only being needy after Louis, you know."

"And were you successful?"

"What?"

"Did you manage to kill this feeling?"

I gasp. There's a little voice telling me to not reveal the truth right now, that I should take time to make him love me back before opening myself up so much. But there's a big scream encouraging me to take this shit off my chest before it kills me in a bad way.

"No."

Our eyes meet for the first time in this conversation. I try to keep breathing, because I know that just the sight of Niall Horan in front of me is capable of breaking me down inside.

"I still like you, Ni."

You have to be prepared for everything when you're in love. You have to think about the positive things, the negative shit, the rejection or the devotion that may come from your lover. You have to take risks in the name of being honest about how you're feeling. You have to think about your lover, but also protect yourself from being heartbroken at some point.

Life told me those things. I immersed myself in relationships that I didn't know what to expect, broke my heart, broke my bones, broke my thoughts, broke everything inside me and around me too. Most of the pain I have felt in love came from _the man that shouldn't be mentioned so often_. But most of the happy parts of my love story came exactly from the man who I've had feelings and never figured it out. 

Most of my smiles back on the last years of One Direction were directly related to Niall Horan trying to make me feel better after standing by my side in every storm that ever tried to drag me down (yeah, that's a reference). Most of my laughs before the band's hiatus were connected to the really, really bad jokes that Niall improvised every single day to make me feel better. And most of my dreams at night were also connected to his presence in each one of them.

This is why I'm so scared now. Because I couldn't control my mouth from dropping words that I know that will change everything in our friendship from now on. A part of me couldn't handle the unreciprocal love that I felt towards him, but a part of me just screams inside my brain that I took a high risk by telling him about my feelings. I do like him, but I know it's gonna be a disaster.

"Why?" It's all he says, after minutes of silence.

I can't look straight to his face right now. I fear him. I fear his next reactions, I fear the things I'm about to lose in the morning.

"What do you mean with 'why'?" I ask back, trying to gain time for my mind to elaborate something solid to say.

"Why do you like me, Harry?" I see tears in his eyes when he asks that. "What is it about me that makes you like me?"

I grin right after this. I could mock about this obvious question, but I know what's happening. Niall can be a ray of light for all of us, but he has his own demons all the time too. I can easily remember of numerous times when I caught him crying because a hater said on internet that he shouldn't be in the group, that he's the one that would have a failed career after the hiatus. Those were the days I was the one to comfort him, to hold him against my body all night long, until he could sleep. I had my bad days, but I felt like shit every time Niall cried in front of me.

People should measure their words sometimes.

"That's the easiest thing to talk about. I could stay here until nine in the morning saying all the good things about you, Ni", I blurt out happily, taking his right hand in my left one and caressing his hand knuckles with my thumb. "For where should I start? Huh, let's talk about your personality. I'm pretty sure Madonna thought about you when she wrote "Ray of Light". Dare me to say otherwise", I see a little smirk on his face, and I decide to keep talking. "Katy Perry must have written 'Firework' when she saw your audition on X-Factor. Dare me to say otherwise too. Fuck. You're such a paradise, Niall, but you don't even know it. You're handsome as fuck, I could stare at your face all day long. You're talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, just like Gaga said once", this time, he laughs out loud, but he stops as soon as we think about everybody else sleeping in the house.

"Loved that reference."

"I knew you would recognize it. See? I also know a lot of things about you without making me look like a psycho", he's still laughing when his head lays down on my shoulder, making me grin at the contact. "I know you love my food, but you almost never say it out loud. I know you hate when someone snores loudly by your side, and this was the first thing you said when Zayn left the band, so don't say I'm a liar. I know you probably fell in love two or three times during the time we were in the band, and I was there for you when you were too nervous about your first date with a woman, and also with a man later. Although I was way more nervous than you this time."

"It seemed like you were the one to go on a date."

"And I'm sorry for that." My thumb is still caressing his hand. I tilt my head slightly to feel his hair in my face. "The point is, I like you a lot. And I promised myself I'd never tell you until you'd ask. This is why I'm telling you now. Only because you asked." His head steps back from my shoulder, and for the first time ever since he came over here, I'm looking straight into his eyes. _And I'm scared again_. "I'll understand if you don't feel the same things for me, I'd never ask you to love me because that's the kind of thing you can't simply ask from someone. And I'll understand if you wanna go back home tomorrow, I can even take you to the airport if you want to, and I'm not gonna say a thing about it if you don't wan--"

All the speech I had planned in my mind goes away with the wind in the second Niall's lips brush into mine, giving me a proper kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY KISSED. THAT'S IT. WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER.


	7. six: niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one with niall's feelings all over the place (again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: it contains elements of anxiety crisis.

Things are different now. Like it's all weird between us. See, it's breakfast at the Styles' home, but it doesn't seem like anyone is happy about it. Miss Anne Twist is looking at me all the time because I'm barely eating the plate of bacon and eggs she served me minutes ago, and if looks could kill, Harry would definitely be dead by Gemma's constant gaze at him. 

_I wish I haven't ran away from him last night._

I decide to eat my whole breakfast before Anne brings the topic to our talk, and right after finishing it, I get up from the table, taking my plate to the kitchen sink with intentions of cleaning it for her. Gemma stops me instead, slapping my hands so she can wash it for me. With nothing else to do, I pass across the kitchen so I can avoid Harry at all costs.

_I wish I haven't ran away from him last night._

Suddenly I feel so nervous that I manage to walk straight to the guests' bathroom, locking the door and facing my own reflection in the mirror as if I'm the most selfish man in the world right now. My hands stick to the marble in the sink, trying to keep my body standing up until I have no strength anymore.

_I wish I haven't ran away from him last night._

I'm barely breathing now. And I know I'm not having an anxiety attack because of my feelings for Harry Styles. No. I'm better than this, I'm better than the thousands of online fan-fictions that people wrote about our relationships back in the One Direction days. All I know is I'm having an anxiety crisis because of my inability to face my own struggles, to face my feelings whenever they confront me like this, to scream my truth when I'm asked to.

_I wish I haven't ran away from him last night._

"Niall?" His damn voice screams from the outside of the bathroom. "You okay?"

 _Answer, Niall. Fuck._ Say something.

"Niall, I'm worried about you", he keeps trying to communicate, which I praise in the back of my mind, but nothing escapes from my mouth. I'm still looking at myself in the mirror. "Look, if it's all about last night, then don't worry. I'm not mad. If it's about last night, knock once on the door. If it's not, knock twice."

It's probably a weird thing to do? Probably. But at the state I'm in right now, there's not much I can do.

I knock twice with my left feet.

"Huh, okay. Do you wanna talk about it? Once if you do, twice if you don't."

I'm so insecure that I don't even know how to answer this question. This is why I take a long time until I use my feet to knock once.

"Okay. I'm listening. I don't care if you'll open the door or not, I just want to make you feel better, if I can."

"You can", the words slip out of my lips before I can think about it.

"Good. Can you tell me now?"

"I hate myself, Haz", as soon as I say it, my eyes are already teared. "I couldn't face my feelings for you because I was so dumb to think I'd never be loved back. No one ever does. No one ever dared to love me back, Harry, and I hate myself for it, for not being able to let someone in. Fuck it, I'm sick of it."

I open the door, already crying everything out loud in front of Harry. Before I let myself rest in his embrace, I see his eyes are teared too.

"You're crying, H."

"I hate to see you like this."

"Don't."

"I like you, remember?"

"I shouldn't have ran away last night", I say, still feeling the tears streaming down my face while my arms are wrapped around Harry's neck. "I like you, too. I just didn't know how to tell you."

"It's okay now", his voice softens a bit, his fingers playing with my hair in hopes to calm me down. "It's okay. You're perfect for me, Niall, never forget it, never think otherwise. If those shitty people didn't love you the way you loved them, then fuck them. I'm here, and I'll never leave you."

_"I broke up with him", I say as soon as Niall opens his bedroom door._

_"What?" He asks, a lazy smirk on his face for seeing me so early in the morning._

_"I couldn't handle him anymore." The grin in my lips may make me look like a psycho who just found a new victim, but I don't care. I'm free. "He won't hurt me again."_

_"Is that serious? Is it over?"_

_"It is, Nialler. You're the first one for whom I'm telling this."_

_He suddenly wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me into his bedroom to hold his body against mine. The smell of lavanda from the duvet is still stuck on him, which is something I love about my favorite blondie._

_"If you're happy then I'm happy for you", he says, the soft voice filling the void of my thoughts right now. "But I hope he learns the lesson this time."_

_"I learned a lesson way more than him."_

"Feeling better?" Harry asks, once I'm awaken by the gently touch of his fingers in my cheekbone.

I may or may not have slept a little bit after that happening this morning.

"What time is it?" I say, trying to sit in the bed.

"Almost six in the afternoon."

"No way. Did I skip the lunch?"

"Mum understood, it's okay", his hands are still warming my face, and I don't feel like I want to stop him. "You did not answer my question."

"I'm better. Thank you", I smile a bit for Harry. 

The silence ends up being inevitable between us, and he keeps caressing my chin. I love this; the fact that neither of us need to do much to keep each other's attention stuck on the ground. The fact that our story may not be a whole storm of emotions and shouting and fighting and fucking. The fact that we are exactly what we need to be for each other.

I decide to press my lips into his for the second time. Eyes closed, my left hand on his waist and my right one on his neck, my thumb drawing imaginary rainbows in his cheekbone and the non-urgency of the kiss being the main character of this part of the story. He seems to understand exactly what I want, and so he reciprocates the kiss by gently sucking my bottom lip and putting his hands in the back of my head. 

I feel like I can tell him everything I want by just kissing him. And I think he knows it too by the way I blink for a second and he looks like the most peaceful man in the world, standing in front of me, trying not to break the moment. I don't know if anyone in the world can relate to that, in fact. 

We take a break from the kiss just to breathe. His forehead slightly touches mine, his hands still messing with my hair, my arms still clinged to his body.

"Niall."

"Harold."

"You know, I don't let anybody else call me Harold but you. Did you know that?"

"Of course I do", I grin at his words. "It's kind of clear to everyone that I do have privileges with you."

"I wondered if you'd ever notice that." His smile is so soft, so genuine, so pure and so hearttaking that my lips want to find his again.

And that's what I do. I kiss him one more time.

"We were so dumb", I joke, once we fall apart again. He tries to contain a laughter - something he's famous for being bad at, if you know what I mean. "I'm serious, Haz."

"First: we don't even need pet names from now on. You have a whole book full of it for me, and I'll do the same to you", it's my time to laugh. He's a genius. "Second: yeah, we were fucking dumb by not admitting our feelings back then. But maybe it wasn't meant to be in 2015, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe everything we did was driving us to this very moment, to this very day, because maybe it wasn't the time", he shrugs, moving a bit in the bed so he can lay by my side and bring my head to his chest. I glance at him for a couple of seconds.

"Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense", I agree, letting his fingers play with my hair one more time. Damn. He loves my hair. I can't cut it now. "So, what do we do now? Like, I won't say that I _need_ to come back to Ireland or London, because I don't. It's January, people don't need me that much."

"Well, I _do_ need you."

"You can have me any way you want me now, don't be so selfish."

"Oh, but it's my turn to be selfish here. I won't let you go back to the big town without me, Ni", his voice rises up a bit, but I know he's still joking. He's not the jealous type. "It took so long, so long to make amends with myself and to tell you about this, I don't want it to end."

"Me too, Harold. Me too. But who said it's gonna end once I leave Cheshire?" I start to think about all the chances we can make up to see each other throughout the year. Of course it won't end now that we're finally on the same page. "We can work it out. I can spend a couple of days in here, you can come to Mullingar too. Mum will love to see you with this new haircut."

"I know she w-- wait a minute." He stands up, setting me free from his hands while he looks up at the ceiling and seems to remember something. Oh, shit. "Your blond hair. Has. To. Die."

"Bloody hell! You really had to remind me of this now", I shout out in a mocking way. "And all the attempts I have been doing to keep you distracted from this shit. All is gone now."

"You made a promise, Niall James Horan. I did my part. It's your turn."

"I hate the fact that I care for you so much that I end up doing whatever you ask me", I bite my bottom lip on purpose, just to tease him a bit. "Did you know that?"


	8. seven: harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first chapter in which they're finally together.

"Mom?" My voice fills the entire living room once I hear the sound of keys unlocking the front door. She appears first, with three grocery bags, while Gemma stands right behind her, also holding another four of those.

Niall is the first to stand up from the couch, helping the two of them with the bags, while I take the task of putting the groceries in the kitchen cupboards. The time passes quickly and silently, as neither Niall nor me tell my mother about the plans we made while she was out for shopping. Gemma seems to notice that, and by the time I finally sit back on the couch to rest my arms and keep watching a marathon of Doctor Who on TV, she sits next to me too.

"Tell me."

"What?" I act cynically, my eyes still focusing on the TV show.

"You're hiding something", she says, pulling my chin to her side so I can look at her. "You can tell me everything, Harry, you know it."

"I'll tell you at dinner, okay? I can assure that."

Gemma is still suspicious, but shrugs and turns around to the telly too.

"Season?"

"The David Tennant one."

"Oh. It's the best one."

"Of course it is", Niall suddenly sits on the free seat of the couch, wrapping one of his arms around my neck and resting his fingers in a careful move on my shoulder. "Great times of Doctor Who."

"Didn't know you were a fan too, Horan", Gemma exclaims, smirking right after.

"Harry never told you about that? Why I'm not shocked at all?" He jokes, staring at me and laughing out loud. "We had marathon days on the Where We Are Tour. We used to sit on the floor and watch the whole fourth series in a day, just a bunch of popcorn and a duvet covering my legs only. Because I was selfish."

"I had my own duvet, stop talking like that", I argue back. "And I bet you know every single line of this show."

☸☸

Dinner is great, just like every day at home with my family. We laugh, we eat (Niall eats more than laughs, of course), and we talk. 

But not every moment lasts forever, and soon Gemma is knocking my chair with her feet.

"Harry."

"Huh."

"What were you going to reveal tonight?"

Everybody shuts up. I grin at her, then I glance at Niall as if I'm asking him permission to talk about this topic, and then I clear my throat to tell what she wants me to tell.

"Huh, me and Nialler, we are... eh... trying something between us. We want it to work, so we're gonna spend a little time together in the next few weeks."

"We're telling you now because we know it's better if we tell it ourselves", the blondie completes my thoughts verbally. Gosh. He's so connected with me. "And because we want your understanding."

"Oh, that's so sweet coming from you two", mum suddenly seems excited with the news, and I smile at her, "so sweet. I'm happy that you chose to be honest, Harold, and I'm happy you're with Niall. He's so sweet. Excluding the hair, of course."

That's enough for us to burst into laughter, filling the room with our loud voices.

"Oh, he's gonna kill this color, you'll see", I scream, making Gemma laugh more than before. Niall blushes at my comment, and my hand searches for his thigh to make him comfortable. "Just kidding. I'm not forcing him to do it, he chose to dye his hair back to his roots and that's what we'll do."

"I hope so", Gemma says.

"We're going to stay one more week here and then we'll travel somewhere else", I bring back the topic, my hand still caressing Niall's left knee. "We'll be alright. Don't worry about us."

"You can stay as long as you two want", Anne answers, "I don't care. Family supports family, at the end of the day."

As soon as we finish dinner, Niall and I walk to the backyard, sitting on the same bench of our very first kiss. My arms are holding his body against mine in a careful way, while his hands play with the buttons on my shirt. Nothing is said for a couple of minutes - we're just enjoying each other's company. And I like that.

"I told you she'd accept it very well", I say in a low voice.

"Yeah, I feel so relieved. It's like I'm finally free of something that I didn't know that was imprisoning me." I grin after listening to his words.

He lifts up a bit, concentrating his right hand on my neck and pulling our lips closer and closer, until there's no space between us. I love the way he kisses me, like we have all the time in the world to do it, like there's nothing else planned for the rest of the night, like we could do this forever and never get sick of it.

I may say I fell in love with him, but I'm afraid of feeling everything too fast. I want to take things slow, and something in my head tells me he feels the same. So, only this time, I'd rather enjoy the taste of his soft lips pressed against mine, our tongues battling in the meantime, Niall smiling like I do in breaks we take to breathe a bit.

I don't know. I just feel good for the first time in a long time.

☸☸

_"You two should date", Liam suddenly blurts out, while we're preparing ourselves to sleep. The hotel only gave us three rooms, Niall took the first one and Louis took the second. Liam and I ended up having to share the last bedroom, but it's not a bad thing. I like to talk with him, he's a very enjoyable company when he's not worried about his girlfriend or something like that._

_Just like now._

_"What?" I ask, without looking at him, my focus still on the baggage I left in the mattress once we came to the hotel._

_"You and Niall", my eyes go widen with this. Come on, Harry, control yourself. "You two should date."_

_"You joking."_

_"Nah, not joking this time. I'm serious."_

_"Then why you think I should ever try to love Niall?" My question sounds a bit weird once the words slip out of my mouth, just because I'm trying very hard not to care about the topic._

_"Don't pretend you don't love that dude already", Liam laughs, more of himself than of me. "Everybody loves Niall."_

_"An universal fact."_

_"I just think you guys complete each other. He's not... you know, him."_

_"Thank God he's not", I say in a low voice, hoping he does not hear me. "I mean, I don't know. We only see each other as great friends who happen to know each other's families way too well."_

_"Families doing well with each other? Oh, God, make it happen, please", he jokes, making me laugh this time. "Don't tell me you two also like to spend a whole evening drinking tea and talking about nothing for three hours straight until you guys get sleepy and the bed is inviting you two to rest."_

_"Huh, I won't tell you if you don't wanna know." I smirk._

_"No way! You really do it with him?" I hear his exciting screams._

_He can do that fangirling thing sometimes._

_"Nah, just kidding", I shrug, finally resting myself in the bed, laying my head in the pillow, my eyes staring at the ceiling of the room. "Niall hates tea. He only drinks it when he's sick."_

_I'm not looking at Liam now, but I know he's giving me a glance that could make me flush right now. And I know exactly why he's doing this._

_"You know too much things about that blonde."_

_"I know a lot of things about you, too!" I try to defend myself._

_"Tell me one thing about me, Harry."_

_"You hate every single song that you wrote for the band."_

_"What?"_

_"Every new song we write together, you take an opportunity to bury the previous one", I say, receiving nothing but silence from my bandmate right after._

_"Okay, maybe you got a point", he lays on his own bed, in the same position as me now. "But let me finish it with one last argument."_

_"It's a free country. Speak your mind."_

_"If you're not really that interested in dating Niall, then why are you trying so hard to change my mind about that idea?"_

"Oh, Liam Payne. Always right." Niall comments, right after I tell him that pretty story about Liam trying to pair the blondie with me on our last press tour. "We should call him and tell him he was right the whole damn time."

"Please, don't give him the taste of victory", I say back, parking the car aside Leigh-Anne Pinnock's home at London.

She's going to dye Niall's hair back to the brunette color. I can't wait for it.

As soon as we reach her apartment door, Leigh is already there, a smile on her face and two scissors in her hands.

"Wait!" Niall screams, stepping away from my arms. "I didn't know we would have to cut my hair too!"

"I'm just scaring you, idiot", she jokes. "Your hair is in the perfect size. No need to cut it."

"He would be so mad if you had to do it", I comment, gently shaking her shoulders and meeting her living room right after. "Do you need help?"

"Just keep him distracted for as long as I need", Leigh-Anne answers, closing the door behind us. "Everything is gonna be alright if he keeps quiet."

☸☸

"You can open your eyes now, Niall." She says, turning his chair to the big mirror in her bedroom. "You're not dead."

"I'm scared", he simply answers.

I get down on my knees by his side, searching for his hands to hold mine tightly. I bow my head a bit, planting kisses on Niall's knuckles.

"It's okay, Ni. You can open your eyes. You look good."

"It's terrible, isn't it? I'm gonna kill you, Pinnock!"

"Shut up and see it by yourself, Horan."

Niall opens his eyes, his fingers still tangled into mine. He takes a deep breath while checking himself out in the mirror, before opening a wide smile on his face.

"I like it."

"I told you", I say, smiling back at his reflection. "Now we can live in peace."

" _We?_ " Leigh-Anne suddenly asks, looking at us with disbelief in her whole face. "What's up between you two?"

"Ask Perrie, we have no time to tell you everything", Niall stands up from the chair, picking up his coat in the mattress and intertwining his fingers with mine right after. "We gotta go."

We say our goodbyes to her and get into the car. He starts laughing once I'm driving back to our hotel room in the downtown, and I soon laugh with him too. 

"Why are we laughing?" I finally ask, after taking my time to breathe.

"This is crazy", he says, hiding his face in the palms of his hands. "This is crazy, Harold, so crazy."

"Why?"

"Because I never thought I would be with you doing something you want just because we like each other enough to do these kind of shit."

"Wow. What a deep thought, _babe_." My eyes go widen when I realize what I just said. "Sorry."

Through the rearview mirror inside the car, I see Niall blushing a bit, his hands still covering his facial expression. But he's smirking. I just know that. After a few seconds, when we stop at a traffic light, Niall kisses my cheek and whispers into my ear words that I'll never forget.

"I know you've been waiting four whole years to call me _baby_. Don't be sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO HAPPY I WROTE THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA


	9. eight: niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> living in LA and feeling things

"Attention, passengers. the flight is about to take off. fasten your seat belts and make sure you are in the correct seats." The flight attendant warns over the plane's intercoms, and me and Harry obey her instructions.

As soon as the plane goes up in the sky, I look aside just to witness a sleepy Harold laying his head on my shoulder.

"Haz."

"What?" He mumbles, burying his nose on my neck.

"Already sleepy?"

"Sorry. Natural instincts."

"It's okay", I mutter to him, gently kissing his hair. "I don't mind."

"Even if I snore?"

"We both snore, _cookie jar_ ", I smirk a little bit with the pet name my mind suddenly chose to call him.

"Sweetie", he answers me, kissing my collarbone right after. "Oh, gosh, we're so silly."

"I like us better when we're silly."

"Don't make me fall harder for you, Ni."

"Can't avoid the feeling, huh?" I joke, making him laugh. Loud. Like, loud to the point of making everyone else look at us now. "Shut up, Styles."

"You shut up, Horan, or I'll cuddle you right here, right now."

"Not a problem for me."

"Silly boy."

"I'm _your_ silly boy."

☸☸

Los Angeles feels as fresh as the day we came here for the first time when we became famous in the whole world. Both of us own flats in here, but Harry decided we could stay at mine's because... well, he didn't explain me. Maybe it's because he does not want to face something at his house. Or maybe he loves my smell all over the place.

Maybe it's both reasons.

"Thinking about...?" He takes me out of my delirium, once he turns off the car in the parking lot of my apartment complex.

"Why did you want to stay at my flat? I mean, I don't mind it at all, just curious", I say, a little bit nervous, to be honest.

"I love your smell all over the place. It makes me feel like I never left home."

Just like I thought. _Ugh, his mind._

"Why are we so silly today?" I grin right after, stepping out of the car and opening its trunk to take out my suitcase.

"Maybe because of the excitement...? I honestly have no idea. You started this." My eyes go widen after listening to his words.

"No, no, no, you started this, Haz", I pout, looking at him with the biggest of the disbeliefs in my face. "You laid your head on my shoulder first and wanted to sleep."

"Seriously? And what about your head on my chest this morning? When you literally said we could skip breakfast just because you wanted to hear my heartbeat a little more?" He turns to face me, trying to be serious while saying the right words.

Not useful. I start laughing out loud because of the memory playing again in the back of my head. Fuck. I started this shit. But I can't let him think he's right.

"No, no, you got the whole concept wrong. It didn't happen today."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure it did", he says, taking his suitcase out of the car's trunk too and locking the vehicle right after. "I have a good brain, Niall."

"You smoked mushrooms!"

He turns his head once again to look at me.

"Yeah, and I still do. A thing that keeps my mind alive!"

"Cynical. You're so cynical, do I really love you like that?" I try to be as ironic as possible.

Harry then puts his suitcase on the floor and starts running in my direction. I pretend to run away from his embrace, but once his arms are wrapped around my waist, I give up and let him do whatever he wants - which involves kissing my neck, holding my stomach tightly and rubbing his nose on my hair just to tickle me.

"Haz, stop!" I shout, still laughing at the tickles on me.

"Say you're in love with me after being so silly and I'll stop!" He shouts back, lifting my body off the floor and making me spin.

"I hate you."

"You don't!"

"Then stop!"

"Just say you love me back, Niall."

"But it's so clear", I grin, my body still spinning around in the parking lot's floor. "We have to take the elevator. Put me down."

"I love everything about you", he mumbles this time, slowing down the movements, but still keeping me up. "I know it's too early to say that, but I have to be totally honest with you."

"Cookie jar." He finally puts my body back on the ground, and I turn around to make our foreheads touch. "I can't wait to spend the whole winter cuddled with you on the couch."

"That's a cool way to say you love me, huh?"

"Of course it is. I'm all about being cool."

"Selfish!"

"Huh, who's selfish now?"

☸☸

It's nine in the morning now. Nothing else to do but stay at home and try to fill my mind with the first thing that I can think about. Although Harry is better at this than me.

But he's not here to prove it. He went to the Columbia Records branch here in L.A. to set up some shit about his debut album that will come out to the world in April. He refuses to show me the songs, saying "it's not done yet" or "it's a surprise" or "none of the songs are about you, so why are you in a hurry to listen to it?". The last one is a fact, I must admit. Since we only started our relationship a couple of days ago, of course he could not be able to write a whole album in such a short time.

(At least normal people don't generally do that. I still don't know if Harry is like them.)

After replying to some fans on Twitter and posting a home picture just to make people sure that I'm alive, I decide to watch some TV to make time pass faster - which is something that definitely does not happen. Good Morning America just doesn't seem the right show to watch today. Neither the morning news.

Hell yeah, SpongeBob SquarePants. A marathon. Seems perfect.

When Harry comes home, I had already fell asleep on the couch, my mouth wide open and loud snores coming from my throat. I only realize the scene I'm in when he starts laughing so much that it seems impossible for me not to wake up with his noise. I get up on a sudden move, wiping the drool dripped from my mouth while he still laughs.

"Morning, sweetie", he says, winking at me and taking his grocery bags to the kitchen.

"You came earlier than you said", I point it out, walking right behind him.

"No fight with executives today", Harry answers me, putting the bags on the marble counter. "We have the rest of the day for ourselves. If you want to."

"I watched SpongeBob to kill my time, Harold. I don't just want to do something, I **need** to", my words make him blurt out a laugh again.

"So dramatic."

"I'm not!"

"I love SpongeBob. You make it look like it's a bad thing to watch it."

"I'm a fucking adult. I should be watching adult things."

"You watched the whole box set of Doctor Who with me on the tour bus, sweetheart." Okay. I think I'm going to melt with his pet names. _Control yourself, Horan._

"I had nothing else to do!"

"Now you're saying everything we lived there was just because you were bored?"

"N-n-nope", I choke a bit. Idiot. "You know I'm not saying that, Haz."

"I'm just kidding, babe", he smirks, wrapping his hands behind my neck and kissing my forehead. "Don't be so nervous. You know I do these things."

"You scare me to death every time you put me against the wall like this."

"Like this? Or..." His hands lead me to the kitchen's wall. _Shit._ "Like this?"

"Bad boy. We need to cook the lunch first."

"Are you that hungry?" Harry raises an eyebrow. "Because I think your stomach can wait."

"I don't think so", I answer, letting go of his grip on my neck. "Come on, Harry, I need to eat!"

He smiles at me once my fingers find his wrists, leading him back to the counter.

"You look so fucking pretty when you're hungry, Niall."

"Such weird words to say, huh?"

☸☸

"Niall."

"Yeah?"

"You're perfect."

"Why are you saying that?"

"Because I feel like I need to tell you everyday that you're perfect."

I grin. Right now we're on my bed, the only light in the room coming from the light pole on the outside, illuminating the windows and the left side of Harold's face.

"You don't have to", I say, caressing his cheekbone with my index finger. "I already feel better being with you, somehow."

"What do you mean with 'somehow'?" He asks.

"I never though I'd have such deep feelings for my bandmate, you know", I grin with the memories coming back to my mind. "I never thought you could like me back, in fact. I never thought I would feel so much better just with all the cuddling thing we always do. I never thought this could be more than a dream. There are a lot of things that I never thought that could happen to me simply because I can't stop myself from believing I don't deserve it all."

He tilts his head a bit, looking at me with a confusing face. Suddenly his arms are all over my waist, and my face is hidden on his chest.

"I wish you could feel better by just believing in yourself, babe", he whispers in my ear, and I shiver because of his breath against my skin. "It's a fine line between loving and hating yourself, I know. I had troubles like these when I was younger."

"But you've always been so cool about yourself..."

"I was good at hiding emotions, if you know what I mean."

"Way too much. You've been hiding your feelings for me for a couple of years, huh?"

"Don't use it against me! I'm trying to make you feel better", he pretends to be outraged by my words, and I laugh a bit. "I'm trying to make you believe that you're everything this world needs. We all need you. I need you and I want you to be yourself. And you're perfect."

"But I have flaws, Haz."

"Me too. But we grow up, and we learn to live with all we have inside of us."

"Such beautiful words."

"Just like you, babe."


	10. nine: harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this went totally out of my control i don't know how i wrote this

**Message from Harold**

Thought about a proper first date tonight

What do you think?

**Message from Niall**

You changed your username again?

**Message from Harold**

Only in your phone ;)

**Message from Niall**

I thought you had liked "pet" :/

**Message from Harold**

No, Ni

Don't start now

I'm talking about our

fucking

date!

And you're trying to argue about pet names!

NIALL!

**Message from Niall**

Can you hear me laughing?

That's what I'm doing now ;)

**Message from Harold**

No, darling

I'm literally on the other side of LA

**Message from Niall**

You're wrecking my joke

Say you can hear me

NOW

**Message from Harold**

Okay

I can clearly listen your laugh from here

**Message from Niall**

Okay

Do your question

**Message from Harold**

What?

Oh

So

I miss you so much that I want to take you somewhere warm tonight

Would you like to go out with me

On a proper first date?

**Message from Niall**

...

I need to think about it

Joking

Yes <3

**Message from Harold**

Silly boy

Using a heart emoji? Really?

**Message from Niall**

WHY DO U HATE ME SO MUCH

**Message from Harold**

You need to calm down

You're being too loud from here

**Message from Niall**

YOU need to calm down

LET me do my jokes in PEACE

**Message from Harold**

Okay, I gotta go

Executives calling me again

I don't know why they're calling me so much

I thought they had liked my album :(

**Message from Niall**

Give them some time

Knowing you the way I do...

Probably you made a high concept on these songs

And they're still processing the hard rock style you adopted

**Message from Harold**

How do you know it's a rock album?

(It's not hard rock. You missed this point)

**Message from Niall**

Haz

For God's sake

Your long hair back in 2015 doesn't tell you ANYTHING?

**Message from Harold**

Funny you

Gotta go

**Message from Niall**

They will love your songs

I will too

Just like I love you

And all your little things

**Message from Harold**

Love you too

And all your little things

☸☸☸☸

It's almost 10PM when we're ready to go out on the so-awaited first date. I told him hours ago that I'd rather go out late when nobody's watching us doing what we're about to do - something I haven't told him yet, and that's why I'm still shaking my hands, excited and a bit nervous for what will be Niall's reaction to it.

He takes my hand right after he closes the flat's door. A shiver runs through my entire body when his fingers seem to dance along with mine on the meantime the elevator takes us to the parking lot, and I lazily rest my head on his shoulder to see what he will do.

I can tell you we kissed a bit before the elevator's doors got open and we were so happy that no one was in fact watching us.

"You can tell me where we're going now", he breaks the silence, once I'm already driving us to the mysterious place.

"So sweet of you to assume I'm not gonna make a whole surprise around this date", I say, my eyes still focused on the road.

"You _hate_ me."

"It's the second time you say it today, did you know that?" The grin in my lips seems to be inevitable because I want to laugh again.

"You're doing it again, Haz."

"Doing what?"

"You probably think I'm too funny and you wanna laugh of me. **Again**."

"Sweetie."

"What, Harold?"

There it is. I wanna laugh again. But it's not a bad thing - I just really, really believe Niall Horan is the funniest man on Earth, but he's the only one who doesn't seem to notice that and so he refuses to accept the truth. And I don't want to fight him because of such a silly topic.

"I'm not mocking you on my mind, if that's what you think of me right now." I answer with the most soft tone I can put on my voice, trying to calm him down. "But you won't believe me if I tell you my reasons."

"I'll do."

"Promise?"

"Can't say that. Sorry." 

"I truly think you're funny, Niall", _and I love you for that_ , my mind wants me to complete the sentence. But I know it's still too early for this. "And you don't even need well-constructed jokes to be funny. You just mock of everything around you and that's one of the best things about you."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" I look at him, once we stop in a traffic light.

"I don't believe you." He smiles at me, his cheeks going red like a tomato and his skin clearly shivering with his deep thoughts. "I'm not that funny. Everybody else can be funny just like me and they're not recognized for that."

"Because... everybody else can be funny, but they just don't. They don't let the jokes come out of their mouths because society is all fucked up. You hate the system. You do jokes. You're funny. I like you for that. Period."

"It's green", he points out to the green traffic light, and I keep driving us to the secret place.

It's not so secret, anyway. He's been there before, he just can't remember the streets that lead to the place.

Once we step out of the car, Niall looks around. Dressed in a full black style, with black sweatpants - I told him so -, black Nike shoes and a black jumper, he looks stunning for me. He would never believe my words, but I believe in myself when I say he looks gorgeous, and that's enough.

He's perfect for me. I just don't know if I'm perfect for him.

"It's the karaoke bar from 2013!" He screams, totally freaking out and coming to hug me. "I love it, I love it, Harry, I wanted to come back here so so much!"

"I know. That's why we're here."

"Could you sing to me?" Niall suddenly asks me, after we finish our dinner at the karaoke's restaurant. "It's been a long time since you did it."

"I literally sing in the shower every night, honey", I say, sipping on the rest of the milkshake on my cup.

He smirks a bit, turning his attention to his own shoes instead of me, cheeks blushing a bit. Again.

"What, honey?" I call him one more time, knowing exactly what to do to tease him.

"You called me 'honey'", he simply says, surprising me off-guard.

Okay, I really called him 'honey'. I did it now. _Harold, control yourself. You're diving too fast on this sea. He's only calling you derivative names of your own. Control yourself. It's too dangerous to dive alone._

Shut up. _Speak now._ Wait. _Go._

_What a wonderful doubt._

"And aren't you?" The words slip out of me before I can think twice about it.

He's smiling again. Thank God. Not going to die tonight.

"If you say so", he shrugs, getting closer to me and making me feel his breath on my face. "But I don't think I am."

"You're so cute. I think I could scream it right now."

"Please don't. Just kiss me."

And that's what I do. I kiss him, for so long that he needs to break the moment to take his own breath in line. I grin at this; he's the cutest at the best moments.

"Enjoying the view?" He asks.

"I'll never get tired of this."

☸☸☸☸

_"So this is it? Is that how we're going to end, Harry?" I hear him screaming out loud. The doors are closed, and so are the windows, or else everyone would see how pissed Louis is now._

_"This is how we should have ended years ago, but I was such a stupid man to admit it was needed", I answer to him, trying to reach the same berated voice tone as his while I try to cope with the tears streaming down my face. "And don't come with all that 'you'll never find someone to love' bullshit you always tell me!"_

_"What, you think I'm gonna lie to make you feel better?"_

_"I'm fuckin' sure there's someone out there better than you, who isn't toxic, manipulative, selfish and a bad dick sucker than you."_

_Okay. The last part is the low point of the story._

_Louis glances at me, walking to my direction, his eyes telling me he's willing to do anything to shut my mouth. I don't want him to kiss me, to beat me like before - like he already did multiple times when he was clearly trying to make me stay shut about these topics. I don't want him to touch me anymore. Life has been teaching me in the hard way that I'm better than this, I'm better than how I've been treated by him. I want him to know this is the end._

_And, at the same time, I want to run. So fast that he will barely find me. Or never find me anyway._

_Before his hands find my neck, I come back to my own senses._

_"If only you could love someone better, Lou", I say, almost muttering to his face, "if only you could be a better man... maybe we wouldn't end like this. It all would be so peaceful. But you lost me when you thought this was a shitty war that you had to win. I'm not a trophy, you don't win me. You earn me. And you didn't this time."_

_His eyes are wide open now. Louis opens his mouth multiple times like he's about to say something, but nothing comes out from his lips. His hands are still in position to choke me, but I'm still looking straight back to his eyes, waiting for a reaction of his._

_"You can kill me if you want, Louis", I feel my whole body shiver in fear for these words I'm saying. But I don't care anymore. "But you'll never be able to love me 'cause we're not made for each other. There's someone else for you, and someone else for me. But I'm not the one for you, neither you're the one for me. Once you get it, you'll live better."_

"Shit!" I shout, once I sit in the king-sized bed, my face covered in sweat because of the memory coming back to my head one more time. 

"Harry?" Niall suddenly appears in the bedroom, dressed only in his sweatpants. "What happened?"

My whole body feels like it's been on fire for the past ten minutes and I don't know how to react about this. I stare at Niall, and soon he runs to the bed, letting me rest my head above his thighs. Finally the tears that I've been waiting come out of my eyes, and I let myself cry out loud.

"It's okay, Haz, I'm here for you", he whispers to me, curling his fingers in my hair. "I'm here. No one's gonna hurt you, I won't let them do it to you. Focus on my voice. No ghosts here, no motherfuckers coming to fuck you again. They're not here. They're not here. You're okay, I'm with you, I'll always be with you, you know it so well..."

It takes a couple of minutes for me to stop crying and sit back on the bed. Niall is still with a shocked expression on his face, like he doesn't know what just happened. _Of course he doesn't, you idiot._

"Sleep with me tonight? Please? That's all I ask, Ni."

"Of course, babe", he gently says. "Let's cuddle."

As soon as we're cuddled in the bed, Niall being the big spoon, I feel better. I hate when memories related to Louis come to haunt me in my dreams - it makes me feel powerless every time I'm thrown into them again.

"You wanna talk about it?" Niall asks, his voice still sounding like a whisper to my ears.

"In the morning."

"Okay. Rest well, you're not alone."

For five seconds I try to think about the fact that we've been sleeping in separate rooms because I told us so, because I didn't want to ruin his privacy so soon at this point of the relationship. For another five seconds I feel better that he's cuddling me now, because his snores are in fact like an ASMR to me _\- but don't tell him that._

And don't tell him that I love him for making me feel better like this.


	11. ten: niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one with the 'i love you' part

I wake up before Harry does so. Maybe because my mind couldn't get rid of the scaring thoughts and possibilities around why he was crying out loud last night. Maybe because I shouldn't sleep in a separate room now that he's my boyfriend and needs me like this. Maybe because there's something haunting him and I can't help because it's the kind of thing you face by yourself.

I almost cried with him, but I had to be strong for him. At least, until he fell asleep and I knew tears were streaming down my face right after I heard his soft snores. It was 2AM when I gave up of my silent tears and turned around in bed to come back to sleep.

It's 7AM now. He has a meeting with his label once again at 10, and although it's not my task, I feel like I should help him get ready for it. Thinking about this, I get up from bed and go straight to my kitchen, willing to cook something good for his breakfast and take it to the bed, just to tease him a bit and maybe make him smile too. 

While I'm cooking bacon and eggs, the same tears from last night insist on appear again in my eyes. I don't wanna cry - it's not my fault, I didn't do anything to Harry and I know it. But, at the same time, it hurts me as hell to see him crying like that. It makes me feel like I did something even though I didn't. It makes me feel like I can't help him at all. It makes me feel weak.

And it's the worst feeling on Earth. _Trust me._

Once I finish Harold's breakfast, I put it all on a portable wooden board and take it to his bedroom. He's still half asleep, his legs spread in the mattress, but a slight gaze on him and I know he's awake.

"Morning, babe", I say in a soft tone, putting the plates by his side of the bed.

Harry smirks a bit.

"There he is. The smirking Harold I know and appreciate."

"Breakfast in bed?" These are his first words to me today.

"Greedy", I joke, sitting next to him and gently kissing his right cheek. "How you feelin?"

"I've been better. Sorry, I'm not killing it today", his gaze looks terrible, but he pretends to smile just to make me believe he's okay.

 _Dumb._ I know him too much to see when something's not okay.

"You can yell at my face if you want to, Niall."

"Why would I do that?" I look at him with a confused face.

"Because I got you woke up at dawn when you were probably sleeping in peace and--"

"Eat it", I point out at the bacon and eggs. "We can discuss it later. I'm serious, you have a meeting with Columbia in less than three hours and you must be at least good looking for this 'cause I know it's the time of your life and... God, I don't even know why I'm so nervous for your album. Shit. I never even heard a song from this!"

Harry eats his breakfast in silence, at the same time he seems to pay attention to the various topics I bring up on the half conversation just to not make him feel sad again. Once he finishes eating the food, he wraps his arms around my neck, kissing me there. I feel a bit shocked by his action, but I don't complain - _it's a pleasure to hold him in my arms._

"Thank you, cookie jar", he mutters in my ears, making me shiver. _Like always._ "I feel so much better when I'm with you."

"It's okay, Haz." I hug him back. "It's okay."

"I had a nightmare of the day I broke up with Louis", he suddenly blurts out these words, and I'm shocked again. "It was terrible. I know I never told you exactly how our relationship used to be, but I just wanted to bury everything as soon as possible. I couldn't. The memories still live in my head and it's fucking terrible. I can't even write about it, Niall, I have to make up fictional stories to write about them 'cause I'm afraid of being honest..."

I hear his deep breath against my skin, and I know he's even afraid of telling me this. I don't blame him. It's a complicated thing.

"I'm not here to judge you, babe, you know", I find myself saying this, "there are some scars that we just cannot easily erase. We try to take it to the grave, we try to leave it in the past, the kind of attitudes that work out for a while. But they always come back. You can't change the past stories, but you can change yourself so you can be stronger once they come back to haunt you. And, obviously... you don't have to face it alone. I'm here."

"I love you, Niall."

That's the part when I feel like I don't know what to do.

I thought it was too early to say this. Thought it would take a long time so I could say that I do, in fact, love him back. I had so many fears about it. Fear of not being able to fully love and be loved by Harry. Fear of feeling like I'm blocking him from the love of his life out there in the world. Fear of loving him just as a friend.

But if there's something I learned with time, is that our minds are always trying to lead us to a trap, to make us feel less than nothing. And if there's something I learned with Harold Edward Styles, is that you don't have to be afraid of love. You don't have to be ashamed of feeling needed. You don't have to fear nothing at all.

That's why, five seconds later, I kiss him on the lips. Deep. Soft. Breathless. Perfect. Flawless. Everything. The world to me. That's how I feel, and that's how I'm fully aware of my damn feelings for this man in front of me.

"Fuck it. I love you back, Haz." The smile on my face once we separate from the kiss is probably the biggest one now. He seems to notice this too, as he also has a grin on his lips. "Don't take the 'fuck it' part way too problematic. I was just so afraid of giving my all to this feeling that I forgot to realize it doesn't matter if it's a free fall. Fuck it, I will fall in it as long as you come with me."

Harry blurts out a laughter, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs and bringing his forehead close to mine.

"Fuck it, I love you, Niall James Horan."

"Fuck it, I love you, Harry Edward Styles. I love you so much, shit, I don't know how my heart is still beating right now", he laughs again, and I do the same. "I feel so free now."

"I feel so happy now." He kisses me once again. Once, twice, three times, four times, how many times he wants to. I let his lips meet mine each time, and I feel like I could do it over and over again. "I have so much to tell you, Niall, so many things I have to share with you."

"But you have a meeting."

"Yeah, I do", he seems sorry to tell me this, "wish I could scrap this and stay the whole morning in this bed with you."

"Yeah, but you're famous and you're gonna be a rock star and I don't want you to stay here for the rest of your life. It's depressing."

"Come with me?"

"No, Harold", I roll my eyes and sigh a bit. "Remember we're a secret."

"Of course, darling. Of course."

☸☸☸☸

" _NO. FUCKING. WAY._ " Perrie basically shouts from the other side of the call, making me move the phone away from my ear a little bit.

"Calm down, Perrie. Where's Leigh?"

" _Cooking something. Or trying to._ "

" _I heard that!_ " The screaming voice of Leigh-Anne can be heard in the background, and it makes me laugh. "What's going on?"

" _NIALL AND HARRY ARE A THING NOW!_ "

" _What?_ " The same background scream comes back.

"Gosh, you girls are so annoying with these news..."

" _How do you want us to react, Horan? Tell me, how?_ " Perrie still uses her highest voice tone, which gets me rolling my eyes. 

Like always.

" _I want to know everything._ "

"Everything? I'd have to go back four years from now to tell you the **everything** part." I say.

"Oh, okay. We don't have the whole time. Just jump to the interesting part, Niall", she answers me.

"It's delicate. We're still trying to know how to make it work out without people discovering it in such an early stage of the story, but we already declared our feelings to each other, if that's what you wanna know."

"I'm so fucking happy", Leigh-Anne takes the phone from Perrie this time. "I knew it was gonna happen!"

"Of course you did. Nothing escapes from you, am I right?"

☸☸☸☸

"Cookie jar?" I hear Harry exclaiming once he reaches the living room.

"Kitchen!" I scream back to let him know where I am.

In a couple of seconds he's already giving kisses in my whole face, my neck feeling the touch of his hands and my lips open in a wide smile.

"You're so handsome, fuck it, I love you", he says, hugging me right after."

"Fuck it, I love you back. What happened?"

"The album is done!" The smile on his face is so obvious that it makes me laugh at his foolishness.

He's been torturing everyone in our personal circle of friends and family about his album. He knew it would be called 'Harry Styles' only because he was too lazy to think of a whole concept for the title; he knew exactly what songs he wanted to be heard by the world and what songs he only wanted me to listen, and no one else. And he knew that he wanted to release it before summer.

And it seems like he's finally come to a consense with his record label. It's been like two months ever since we moved to LA and his dreams are already coming true. Fuck it, I love him and I don't even need to say it out loud anymore. He knows that.

"That's so good! I'm happy for you, babe", I scream, making him blurt out a laughter like never before.

"Yeah! Why are we screaming?"

"'Cause it's good news, I guess?"

"We should stop", he says, between one laugh and another. "Before neighbors start to complain."

"Yeah, we should", I kiss his forehead, and I need to stand on my toes to do this.

"I want you to hear it before everyone else, Niall."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally have been waiting for a whole month to write this and it's finally out. it's not the end of the story since the Louis topic is still a thing, but soon you'll all figure it out


	12. eleven: harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keeping up with the Horans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE HORANS ARE COMING GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

"Haz. Wake up."

"Just five more minutes..."

"Please. You have to see this."

My eyes open two seconds late. There's a grin on Niall's face, and I could easily bet he did something to surprise me - but it's just a guess and I can't really bet on it.

"What's going on?" I ask in a low voice.

"No big deal. Just wanted to see your eyes."

"You're such a silly boy, Horan", I blurt out a laugh after these words, while he sits next to me in the bed.

"I'm sorry if I'm not used to this", he rests his head on my right shoulder, and I kiss the top of his forehead as a _'good morning'_ thing.

"Don't worry. I love your silly things."

"Actually, there's something we can discuss now if you want to", I see a serious face on him.

"And it is...?"

"Miss Maura wants you to go camping with the family this weekend."

"Oh. Is that an invitation?"

"Of course it is, Harold", the way he says Harold this time makes me smile way more than I should. _Silly._ "It's an honor to be invited to such an event like camping up with the Horans."

"Loved the reference", we turn to look at each other's faces, his knees bumping with mine because our legs are crossed on the mattress. "We're going, right?"

"Yeah. I mean, I told her I'd talk to you first, but I had high hopes and now the whole family is freaking out because they don't know why you're coming with us this time."

"You didn't tell them yet about us?"

"Waiting for the right moment. Maybe it's time now", Niall shrugs, his fingers tracing a path between the joints of my hands up to my neck. "It's better if we tell them. Media can fuck this shit up and you know that."

"I do." The smirk on my face makes him smile too. _Again._ "Well, with this settled up, I can finally say that... I can't wait to meet your family."

"You've met them before, Harry."

"It's different now! We're boyfriends, we're in love and we're already sharing a room."

"Don't pretend we never shared a room before", he gently taps my shoulder, "now let's get up and eat something."

☸☸☸☸

It's the day we'll go out with the rest of the Horans to do a camping. It's Friday. I'm in love. We'll come back on Sunday. And I'll still be in love. My first solo single comes out in a couple of days, and I want to cherish these very last moments of peace with Niall before the world focus on me again.

As soon as the private plane arrives in Dublin, Niall hides his face under a pillow because, apparently, some flashing cameras are waiting for us in the outside. And no, they are definitely not allowed to see us together for now. This is why I have to wait almost ten more minutes than the usual, and as soon as there's no paparazzi anymore - they probably believe it was just Niall on the plane -, I leave the airplane wearing sunglasses, a hat, sweatpants and a gray hoodie.

No one is here. Thank God.

"I'm sorry, I thought they wouldn't search us around anymore", I say as soon as I meet Niall again on the taxi. "I'm really sorry."

"It's the price of the fame, don't worry about it", he gently grins, "mom is waiting for us at her house. We'll all travel together in her van."

"Maura has a van?" I ask, my eyes wide open now.

"Long story, don't ask", he laughs a bit, focusing his attention back to the road outside of the car.

"I wouldn't ask."

"Liar."

"Okay, I would", I surrender in less than five seconds. Just like I always do when he presses me against a metaphorical wall.

The rest of the ride goes pretty well, we both remaining silent and soft pop music playing on the background. As soon as the taxi drops us by Maura's house, we figure out she's already there, with Greg and Denise by her side and Theo in her arms.

"He grew up so fast!" It's the first words I scream once we're a few steps closer to them. 

Maura pratically runs to Niall, holding him against her arms right after. I share greetings with both Greg and Denise before Theo stars bubbling words that I can't understand at first, and his arms try to reach me.

"Can I?" I point out at Theo, and Maura gently hands him in my arms. "Hey, shiny happy baby. How are you?"

"Haz!" He screams in my face.

"I'll take it as a compliment", Greg laughs at my words.

"We told him you were on your way this morning", Denise says, "and he just couldn't stop trying to say your name. This was his best effort, trust me."

"I do trust you, and I love this nickname."

_Especially because Niall calls me like that too._

We are all huddled in the van: me and Niall on the back seat of the vehicle, Greg, Denise and Theo right ahead of us and Maura and Bobby in the driver's seat. Niall pretends he's sleeping just to have an excuse to cuddle with me, and I don't complain about it - in fact, I wrapped my arms around his body before I could think about the possibility of the rest of the family watching us like this.

Looking at it now, it all seems so simple. Taylor Swift said once in a song that is probably about me. Not that I care too much. Media does. I don't mind. Fuck them. It's a good song.

"Sweetie", I call for him in a soft whisper, and Niall slowly opens his eyes to me.

"Yeah?" He mumbles, burying his nose on my neck.

"They're watching us", I say, "I thought you were waiting for the right moment to tell them about us."

"Oh. Right." He lets go of my embrace, lifting his head a little. "Huh, there's something I gotta tell you all."

"Yes, honey?" It seems weird for me to hear someone else call Niall 'honey', but I let go of this thought two seconds later - it's _just_ his mom, Harry. Nothing to worry about.

"I'm dating someone." Niall's words are quite simple - just like that Taylor song. "It's a man. And his name is Harold. Period."

Maura smiles. Through the driver's rearview, I also see Bobby doing the same.

"We were just waiting for you to tell us", she gently says, blurting out a laugh right after.

"Well, that's it. Just made it official." Niall finishes his little speech, turning to snuggle into my neck soon after.

"What?" I murmur, more to myself than to him.

"The Horans are a very fucking easy family, Haz. You should know that by now."

"I know, Ni, I just didn't... never in my dreams I thought this conversation would be so short like this."

"Don't tell me you wanted a whole fight because of my love for you, which in fact is something I never really hid from my parents. And Greg probably knew it too since I literally spent two whole days ringing in his ear to freak out about the end of your relationship with the-man-I-should-not-mention-his-name-because-he's-a-fucking-asshole." 

I laugh out loud with his latest words.

"Fuck it, I love you, Niall."

"Fuck it, I love you back, Harold."

"Never thought that we could act so regular in front of each other", I say, kissing the top of his head right after, "did you know that?"

"Thought you'd never say it. I love you so much."

"You wanna take a rest in my neck?" He hums a _"yes"_ in a deep breath. "Okay. Sweet dreams, babe."

☸☸☸☸

As soon as we arrive in a part of the forest where we are only surrounded by trees and more trees, Bobby parks the van. Greg opens the rear doors of the vehicle for us to take out our suitcases, tent bags and other additional things. Niall still looks a little sleepy, and I end up with the task of getting my bags and his out of the van, with Bobby offering help later.

"How long?" He suddenly asks, taking me out of my comfort zone.

Oh, shit. _That_ talk.

"Huh?" I try to act cynically. But, of course, Mr. Horan does not take the hint.

"How long you two have been together?"

"Oh", I blink twice before answering his question, "since the first week of January."

"Since New Year's eve?"

"No. Literally, the first week of January", a grin appears in my face.

"Oh-okay. Are you happy with him?"

"Couldn't be happier, if I can say that."

"I see the way you guys look at each other. And this trip started like, two hours ago or something like that. Maura is taking care of time itself this weekend", we laugh together about this. "Anyway, I know it may be too early to say anything about what you are living with him, but let me share an experience with you."

"Of course."

"The way Niall looks at you is literally the same kind of look Maura used to give me on the very early stages of our relationship, when we were just trying to figure out what we felt for each other. And, yes, she still glances at me like that sometimes, so the love is definitely not dead by now, and I'm happy with her love too because I love her back. And we only want the best for our son."

"I want the best for him too."

"So make sure you're the best for him and yourself too. Don't forget to love yourself every morning. Loving yourself is the first step to love someone else. And trusting yourself is also an important thing to do before trusting your life to someone else. Especially if this someone is called Niall James Horan."

"Especially if I love this someone called Niall James Horan", I say, and he winks his eye to me.

"What are you two talking? Is it about me?" My boyfriend - _and I'll never get tired of saying this_ \- comes up to where we're standing, his fingers intertwining with mine in less than five seconds as if he needs the touch of my hands to feel alive.

_I need it, too._

"Only good stuff", Bobby jokes, gently tapping his son's shoulder. "I'll leave the two of you alone for a while. Just for a while."

Niall laughs along with me.

"Your dad is still funnier than you, Horan."

"Then why don't you marry him, Styles?" He rolls his eyes.

"Because I love you, not him", I finish my sentence, kissing his lips right after.


	13. twelve: niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're camping and singing and loving each other

It was a little bit hard for both me and Harry when it was time to pitch the tent. The cloudy sky gave me chills and Harry feared it was about to rain, but as soon as we finished the task, no clouds were threatening us anymore, as the moon slowly started to show up in the sky above.

"Even when the night changes", he mutters right into my ears, making me shiver. "It will never change me and you."

"Why do you always say it when it's dark out? Don't you have any other references to tell me?" I try to make a whole joke about it, but he ends up fluttered by my words. "I'm kidding, babe. I love this reference."

"You almost killed me by disappointment!" 

"So dramatic of you to assume I hate One Direction songs, H." 

I roll my eyes, rubbing my feet on the makeshift rug before entering the tent. He follows my movement, and five seconds later we're changing clothes in front of each other.

"Do you feel... huh... comfortable?" He suddenly asks, and I raise one of my eyebrows in doubt. "With this."

"There's nothing in you that I haven't seen before", I shrug, raising my elbows to take off my green T-shirt, "I should be the one asking that 'cause I still don't know how the fuck you dare to say you love me the way I am."

"Some things don't need a full explanation."

"That's just your way to say you don't know why you love me too", I glance at him with a serious tone in my voice and a frozen facial expression. "Admit it."

Harry only blurts out a laugh, just like he always does when I'm probably right about an argument, and leans in closer to press his lips against mine. It's a soft kiss, and I don't mind it, not just because my family is waiting for us outside to have a proper dinner, but because it's all I was about to ask for if he hadn't came closer.

Things start to get heated when his hands find my hipbones and he pulls me closer and closer to him, his tongue invading my mouth with my own permission and my fingers getting tangled in his hair.

"Harry", I whisper between one and another messy kiss, "we gotta go."

"Do we?"

"Harold."

"Okay, we do", he gives up, turning away to get dressed on his own jacket.

☸☸☸☸

Once we get out of the tent, my dad and Greg are lighting (or at least trying to light) a campfire.

"You should help them", I tell Harry, poking his rib with my elbow. "Remember when Simon wanted us to bond in the beginning of the group and sent us to an isolated forest like this one?"

"A terrible idea, but the son of a bitch in fact got what he wanted", he completes my thoughts. "Am I right?"

"Absolutely. Now go and help them."

"Yes, daddy", he jokes, taking care to speak in a low voice to avoid getting anyone else's attention and, at the same time, turning me on in the process.

_Fuck it, he's horny and so am I._

"I'll save it for later", I say back, gently patting his shoulders to make him go and help my dad with the fire.

"I hope so!" Harry screams, this time making Denise look at us with such an excitement in her face.

"What's up between you two?" She asks, once I come closer to take Theo in my arms and babble along with him a little bit. "It's like there are more than just one child on this trip."

"He's the child in the story, I can assure you that."

"I made a bet with Greg that you were more silly than Harry", my eyes go wide with this information. "Guess I have to let him sleep tonight if Theo cries sometime."

"You know what?" I look to Theo, then I turn to Denise again. "Let him think you won. Greg deserves a punishment for being so lazy sometimes."

"You're the best!" She grins.

"Best!" Theo screams too, and I blurt out a laugh that almost scares him, but in the end, he's babbling again.

"I'm so relieved he's doing his best to say anything now, Niall. He used to confuse everyone in the room without spelling a word and now we do everything he wants us to."

"Children... they grow up so fast and learn too much."

☸☸☸☸

Two hours later, we're all already done with the kind of rudimentary dinner I prepared with my mom for tonight.

"So...?" I whisper in Harry's left ear, resting my chin on his shoulder to do it. "Do I have a knack for the kitchen?"

"You have a knack for everything. Literally everything", he simply answers me, letting out a smirk on his pale lips.

"Wait, are you cold now?" I turn a bit to see his lips once again. "Shit, Haz, you're cold."

"Not too much. I can handle it for the rest of the night, Ni."

"I'll go to the tent to get a blanket for you, don't move." 

As soon as I say these words, I get up from the ground, picking up his favorite blanket and covering his body right afterwards.

"What's going on?" My dad asks, watching the situation in front of him.

"Harry is feeling cold", I answer him, my hands still caressing my boyfriend's back.

No. I'll never get tired of saying he's my boyfriend.

"And you took a blanket for him. So sweet of you", mom grins with some kind of pride in her face.

_Of course I am the mama's boy here._

A coy smile appears in Harry's lips when Greg ask us to sing something now. I can almost scream mentally to my brother 'i hate you to death', but the thought that he probably won't hear what my two bitchin' crazy neurons have to tell him calms me down before I do it.

If there is something Harry and I hate in common, this thing is singing to people who already know we're famous singers. Nothing personal, I must say - it's just the fact that we've been on the road for worldwide tours for almost a full decade, and now all we wanna do is take a rest. Something Greg Horan hasn't noticed yet.

"Stay here, I'll go get the guitar", I tell Harry in a low voice, getting up from the leaves on the ground again. 

Once I'm back, he plants a kiss on my cheek.

"Out of the blue?"

"Get used to this", he says, leaning his lips against my cheek once more. "Got an idea."

He takes the guitar from my hands, loosening up a little from the comfort of the blanket to manage to do it. Harry is soon playing the first notes of Justin Timberlake's _"Pair of Wings"_.

No way. A hidden song from an album not everyone has heard yet but me and him. My boyfriend is a genius.

"If I had a pair of wings / I'd pick you up and fly you far away from here", Haz starts singing, his voice a bit cracked because of the cold wind against his soft skin. He only sings the second verse when I glance at him with a smile on my face. "And you'd put your worries upon my shoulders, my dear / Now I know I can't save you from the troubles of the world / And this sounds like such a silly thing / But if I could I'd fly you away / On a big old pair of wings."

I see Denise resting her head on Greg's left shoulder. I see mom and dad swaying their heads too. I see Theo sleeping in Denise's arms. And I see Harold. And I see my whole world in front of me.

"And we'd fly so high up in the sky / Where the stars are so clear / And then I could save you / From the troubles of the world", he keeps singing, his fingers moving through the strings of the guitar, his eyes focused on me the entire time. "And all you'd have to pack is your heart to bring / And there we are, you and me / Flying on a big old pair of wings."

I mumble an "I love you" to him, and he smiles back, muttering an "fuck it, I love you" two seconds later, while he's still finishing the notes from the first part of the song.

☸☸☸☸

"It's almost midnight, huh?" I hear Harry whisper to me when we are already lying on our respective mattresses inside the tent, ready to sleep.

"Yeah."

"It means you just won a right to ask a lullaby song."

"Since when is this a thing?" I turn my head to his side, narrowing my eyes at him while he has a smirk on his face.

"Since I figured out that I love you much", his answer is so simple and so silly that it makes me melt inside.

"Can I get used to this too, Haz?"

"Of course you do, _cookie jar_. Now ask me a song."

"Well, since it's about to be midnight..."

"Hum, I know a song." He interrupts me. "I know it was supposed to be your choice, but I just came up with something."

"I'm listening."

Harry clears his throat before he starts singing the verses of a song that I don't know.

"In the darkness before the dawn / In the swirling of the storm / When I'm rolling with the punches and hope is gone / Leave a light, a light on", he gracefully sings, his head resting on his right arm, while his left hand draws imaginary circles on my cheeks, just the type of silly stuff we do since the beginning of this unusual love story.

I could easily write a movie about us and Netflix would buy its rights. _I feel it._

"Millions of miles from home / In the swirling swimming on / When I'm rolling with the thunder / But bleed from thorns / Leave a light, a light on", he keeps going, his lips still forming a shy smirk in every verse.

"Beautiful."

"It's a Coldplay song only five people in the world have acknowledge", he comments, and I narrow my eyes at him again.

"What? A Coldplay song?"

"Yeah. A Coldplay song."

"You are, literally, a pop culture Wikipedia." Harry laughs at my words.

"No, I'm not. I just listen to good music."

"Now you say that!"

We joke with each other for a few more minutes, until I start feeling as sleepy as him. He soon brings my head to his chest, allowing me to sleep with his heartbeat echoing in my ear, his breath slowly coming in sync with mine, his fingers playing with my hair while he sings a few lullabies.

And I swear it's the most heavenly night of my life.


	14. thirteen: harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keeping up with the Horans II: trouble in paradise?

The morning sun feels warmer now. Maybe it's not 6AM anymore, like it was when I first opened my eyes. It was still a bit colder than now, but the sight of a sleeping Niall by my side just made me smile more than I thought I could and made me sleep once again.

Once I pick up my wristwatch to check the time, I almost jump in fright.

"Niall", I say in a low voice, slightly shaking his shoulders. "Wake up."

He slowly moves his head to my side, letting out a grin once his eyes meet mine.

"Morning, sugar", he says, and I couldn't be happier to hear him call me 'sugar'. "You're still smiling. What happened?"

"You called me 'sugar'."

"Yeah. Just like that Pink song."

"What? I thought it was a Maroon 5 reference", he laughs a bit, "am I wrong?"

"Okay, it could be, but it wasn't my intention. You know, that Pink song in which she sings something like... _there you are, sitting in the garden, clutching my coffee... calling me_ **sugar** _!_ " Niall just can't contain his excitement with his own thoughts. Sweet. "Yes, _Glitter in the Air_. That's what I wanted to say."

"You act in such a silly way when you think of a song to represent something... have you ever noticed that in yourself?" I lead my index and thumb fingers to his nose, pinching him there.

"Look who's silly now", he argues back, breaking the space between us to kiss my lips in a slow, tender way. "I love your lips."

"I love yours too. In fact, I love everything about you." I smirk at the end of my sentence.

"We should head out as soon as we can, Haz. They may believe we're dead."

"Yes. Daddy."

His eyes go wide.

"You said it again", he slaps me in the shoulder, "I can't believe it."

"What? Anything wrong with that?"

"I wouldn't say anything _wrong_. Just... _weird_. It's weird."

☸☸☸☸

"Any plans for today?" I ask in a loud voice, calling the attention of everyone else while we're all sitting beside each other in a circle form.

Just like a proper family.

Stop. Being. Illusional.

"We'll take a walk through the woods and find a river to take a simple bath. Or something like that", Greg answers me, shrugging right after. 

Maura seems to agree with his words in a nod.

"After lunch you two can have your space if you want to", she comments, winking at me after this.

"What?" I mutter to her, while Bobby starts laughing by her side and Denise cannot contain a grin in her face.

"Mom", Niall tries to warn her something, "that's not necessary."

"What? I just thought you'd like to have some time alone", she says, although both Niall and I know she's gonna laugh at some point too, just like her husband.

"You sure?"

"Of course, darling."

"Still don't believe you, mom!"

"Let her be, Niall", I gently pat his shoulder. "Let her be. Don't pretend you don't want some time to yourself too."

"Are you into her tricks too, Harold?"

"It's not what I meant to say", I roll my eyes as I try to calm him down. "Let's just... change clothes and take a walk with them. Are you finished with your plate?"

"Yeah", he nods.

We go back to our tent, Niall getting dressed in his running shoes, shorts and a light tank top, and me in a button-down shirt, workout shorts and sneakers similar to his too. He plants a kiss on my cheek right before we leave the tent, whispering a single "daddy's going out" in my ears and leaving me speechless by that.

His mind always amazes me.

During the whole walk in the woods, Niall never loses the grip of my hand, while Bobby and Maura sing childhood-alike songs to keep Theo distracted and to cheer us up a bit too. 

"Wish this could last more", he tells me at one point where we're right behind the rest of the family and they cannot hear what we're talking. "Reality will come in a storm once we go back to the big town."

"I know, babe", I answer him, "I know. And there's my album coming in the next few weeks. I really, really hope you don't miss me that much."

He seems to get lost in his own thoughts. His mouth opens and closes plenty of times in a span of 30 seconds, like he wants to say something but is afraid of doing so.

"Niall?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there something bothering you?" He looks up to me, his eyes showing me the fear I predicted he was feeling seconds ago. That's the moment I know there is, in fact, something making him upset. "You don't have to say nothing if you don't want to. But... just know I'm here for you."

"I don't know if I should bother you with this. It's just a feeling."

"You can be honest with me. Remember, we both can be open to each other."

"Huh... please, don't be mad", he stops walking, and I stand by his side, trying to keep contact with his eyes. "I just feel like this relationship is not strong enough. I don't know if I can handle the span of time you'll spend on tour, away from me. I wish I could go with you and live everything there with you, but I have my own career too. Soon I'll have to go on my own tour and I feel like it will be so lonely without you and suddenly I don't wanna go anymore because I want to stay with you all the damn time. And I fear the end of this. I fear it so much, Haz, I don't know how or why, but I do."

"Why would I be mad at this?" I ask, my hands going straight to his waist right after, holding him close to me.

"Because it may seem silly or selfish of me to think I should have you to myself all the time when obviously you gotta have your moments too. Just that. I'm sorry."

Niall James _fucking_ Horan is afraid of losing me. I literally realize that I never though this could happen - that he could love me and be afraid of losing me. I thought I wasn't worth of his love. But I see everything has changed ever since the end of last year. 

_Guess who's in love now?_

Watching him have some sort of breakdown in front of me, however, hurts my feelings. Because never in a thousand years I'd leave him, I'd never do this to him in my own senses. And I need him to know it.

"First of all: don't be sorry for your feelings. Ever. Just go through them and then, once you're over it, you can talk about it and think whatever you want about what you were feeling before. But it's a beautiful thing to feel anything. It's human", I see him trying to smile at my words. "And second: you're never gonna lose me. Ever. Because I love you, I think you love me and we'll find a way to make it work, okay?"

He lets out a weak laugh, and I kiss him on the lips. A tender one, just like the good morning kiss we had earlier. His hands are now on my wrists, and we stay like this for what it seems to be like a minute.

"You're the one that I want at the end of the day, Niall fucking Horan." I say once we fall apart from the kiss. "You better not forget it."

"You better stop making One Direction references if you wanna keep me." He jokes, and with this I know my dear Nialler is back into the game.

"Why, Ni? I thought you liked these things", he rolls his eyes and sighs.

"Okay, maybe sometimes. But not in the hard times, please, it ruins the moment", we laugh together because of his words. "Fuck it, I love you."

"Fuck it, I love you back. Now let's reach the other Horans."

☸☸☸☸

We end up being the last ones to arrive at the meeting point of the morning walk: a beautiful, big lake made of crystal water. I'm pretty sure that if we were here with our friends they would make a hundred jokes about why we arrived so late, but I guess since Niall's family is not the type of family that does it, they just smile to us.

"We're going back home by the end of the day", Greg tells Niall, who looks visibly stunned with the news. "Something came up at my work and Theo is sneezing a lot."

"Oh", it's all my boyfriend says, trying to smirk at him right after. "It's okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I had plans with everyone, but I guess we can do it another time", that's all Niall answers to him, and I just feel that he's saddened because of the abrupt end of the trip.

"Hey", I lift his chin, and his eyes are at the same height as mine, "is everything okay?"

"Yeah", he says again.

"You don't fool me, you know..."

"It's okay. Really. Do you want to go and swim in the lake?" Niall grins, and I kiss the top of his forehead.

"Of course, let's go", I take his hands in mine and we walk together to the lakeshore.

While we splash water on each other, kiss each other and tell jokes to each other (not necessarily in this order of events), I try to think of ways to make him feel better before I go out on promotion for my debut album. God knows how Niall Horan can be a little bit needy sometimes, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I know he's going to miss me and I want him to take our good memories with him on the meantime.

Once Bobby is driving us back to Mullingar, I wait for Niall to sleep in my arms before I make an important call.

_"Styles."_

"Pinnock", I say, with a grin on my face.

_"Trouble in paradise?"_

"Not exactly", she huffs from the other side of the call, "we're with his family for a weekend trip but the plans were cancelled and now he's sad. I'll do something to make him feel better, or at least try to, but I need your help."

_"Why?"_

"You wanna help or not?"

_"Rude, Styles. Rude. Of course I can help, I just don't know how."_

"I'll drop him at your door today and once everything is done I'll go get him in your house."

_"Hope you're not planning a night of sex, please. I don't wanna hear Niall talking about dirty stuff later."_

"Don't make me laugh right now, Pinnock, he's sleeping in my arms!"

_"And you think he's not listening to you? Oh, you're so dumb."_

"He has a heavy sleep, I'm pretty sure."

_"Oh, you wish."_

I hang up the call before she starts cursing me. Once I look down to a sleeping Niall on my chest, his rose-colored lips involuntarily on my neck, I feel like I should never, ever in a million years, let him slide away from my embrace.

He's the one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Narry had an interaction at the 2020 BRITs. I was inspired.


	15. fourteen: niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one in which haz and ni are just good boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen to 'everybody hurts' by avril lavigne at some point

"You're being annoying by this point", Leigh-Anne blurts out when she finds me pacing back and forth the living room. "He's not gonna break up with you, for heaven's sake! He just said he needs a night out. Breathe, Niall. Breathe."

"I'M BREATHING!" I scream back, my eyes almost falling off my face because of the amount of tears in my cheeks.

I don't even know if these two things are connected _at all_. I'm just in the state of mind that comes to you when someone drops you at some friend's place saying "i'll be back in a minute, just need some fresh air" and leaves you there with no further explanation.

Okay. It's not a state of mind that comes to everyone. Universe decided to play with my feelings today; first, by cancelling the games I wanted to play with my family, and using Greg to do this, and now, the Harry thing. _Is it okay if I just wanna die right now?_

"Take a motherfucking seat." She says, pointing at the couch next to us. After a few seconds, I do what she wants me to do, and her hands start to play with my fingers. "He loves you. You love him. You two already have an "okay" thing just like Hazel and Augustus. And now you're freaking out because you think he's gonna break up with you for, literally, no apparent reason. Listen to what you're telling yourself, Horan. Just listen."

Soon my breath returns to its normal state, and my mind is finally distracted by some random rom-com Leigh-Anne selected to play on the TV. When I'm almost falling asleep, the doorbell rings. My friend leaves me in the couch and opens the door to reveal a smiling Harry with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"What's going on?" I ask, once I see him smirking to Leigh.

"Nothing", she rolls her eyes, giving me space to see Harry in a full sight. 

"Ni", his lips form a thin line when he says my name, and I walk in his direction with a little bit of fear of what's gonna happen now.

Even if he has a bouquet of flowers in his hands. It doesn't matter.

_I'm lying. It matters._

"I had to leave you here so I could make a surprise in our apartment." I could go and correct him by saying that, _technically, it's not **our** apartment, he just happens to live there_, but something inside me makes me believe it's not the right thing. So I let him keep talking to me. "Flowers won't make it up for the panic I caused in you, but I thought it could be a good first step."

We say our goodbyes to Leigh-Anne and he takes me to his car. The radio starts playing "You and I" by Lady Gaga in the exact moment he turns the key in the car ignition, and I smirk in an involuntary way. He cannot look at me while he's driving, of course, but I can easily say he's staring at the rear view mirror just to see my eyes. 

_Something that is undeniably Harold._

"I remember the first time we went to McDonald's together after Zayn left the band", he starts talking, and just the Zayn mention makes me shiver. _Hard times, dude. Hard times._ "All of us knew you didn't want to talk about it, but I remember being the only one to actually make you think of something else. I'm pretty sure I made you laugh with the sandwich in my mouth."

Just the memory of it makes me laugh again.

"I was so desperate to make you smile at least for once in that night that I totally forgot Louis was by my side. But it was the first time I realized I could actually be happy with someone who makes me happy. So, yeah. Thank you for that."

"Why are you saying those things?"

He parks the car close to the building where we live now. No cameras. No security guards. A miracle.

"Because I want to make you feel better after the trip with your family ended that way. I know it's none of my concern, or my fault anyway, but I wanted to do something", he opens the door of the car for me, taking my right hand into his left one and practically running with me to the elevator. "Let's go, I'm afraid the couch is in flames right now!"

"What?"

Once the metal doors open, I take the keys away from Harry's hands and open the house by myself.

Of course, I'm amazed by what I see now. He made a kind of makeshift tent in the middle of the living room, using only two broomsticks, a sheet and a lantern hanging right in the center of the "tent" to illuminate the inside. Candles are scattered around the sheet hanging by the broom handles, and while I still admire what he made to make up for the failed camping, "Pair of Wings" by Justin Timberlake starts playing in the background.

"Haz."

"Cookie jar." He looks at me, waiting for an appropriate reaction of mine. "So?"

"I fucking love you so much I can't even express it with words. Let's get inside this tent."

I love writing things from my own point of view. Once you understand yourself to the point of write about it without suffering a lot because of the honesty, everything feels better around you. Because it's all about you, who you are, what you believe in, the things you do and the things you feel, for yourself, for the rest of the world or for some specific person.

(This is probably one of the main reasons why famous people like us hate tabloids. They lie a lot and we have no control of our own stories. But also there are all the other reasons that come along with that.)

Harry is sleeping above my chest now. I can't stop smiling at this; the scent of Harry Styles making everything smell better here, the sight of a sleeping beauty in my arms, the fact that the man I love _so fucking much_ is here with me and made a tent to make it up for something that wasn't even his fault. 

I pick up my phone to record something in the voice notes app, and my voice sounds a little bit croaked due to my attempts to not wake him up. 

"When you feel your love's been taken / When you know there's something missing / In the dark, we're barely hangin' on", I sing in a low tone. "Then you rest your head upon my chest / And you feel like there ain't nothing left / I'm afraid that what we had is gone..."

At first I have no idea of why I'm coming up with such sad lyrics. Then I remember the talk me and Harry had at the woods, when I was fully afraid of losing him in the tour time. I still fear it. Of course I do. It's something natural, something that just comes from nowhere and take you by a storm of bad feelings.

I don't want him to leave.

☸☸☸☸

"I gotta go", Harry speaks for the first time since we woke up. 

_I know exactly what he means._

"It's our last meeting before the release of the lead single."

"Are you sure you don't wanna tell me which song you chose? I mean, I already heard the whole album, sweetheart", he grins at the 'sweetheart' part. "I deserve to know."

"Nah. Want it to be a surprise for you too."

"Oh, so you want me to know along with the press?" Harry shrugs at my question, and my mouth opens in an _"O"_ form. "Okay, Harold. If you say so."

"Oh, no", it's his time to look at me with doubt in his eyes. "What are you planning?"

I smile, more to myself than to him.

"You'll see, baby."

He smiles back to me, coming to put his hands on my waist and kiss me for long ten seconds.

"I'm ready for anything you wanna do with me, _daddy_."

"Stop calling me 'daddy'! I'll start believing I'm _that_ old!" I pat his shoulders twice, and he laughs out loud straight to my face.

"I'm running out of pet names, sorry, Ni."

"I'm kidding. I don't care. But you'll soon get what you deserve."

"Uh, I'm scared", he pretends to choke in fear of what I said.

"Dramatic."

"I'm _your_ dramatic. Boyfriend."

"And I'm your daddy. Boyfriend", I go straight to his lips once again, my hands grabbing his hair so we stand closer and closer for a long amount of time.

"I really have to go", Harry breaks the kiss, his forehead still touching mine, "but I promise I'll come back before you start missing me."

"I'm missing you already, Haz."

Once he leaves the apartment - not before another long kiss -, I run to my bedroom, picking up my phone to listen to that voice note again. The croaked voice of mine trying not to wake Harry up, his deep breath in the background making the lyrics sound like home to me, the honesty in literally everything about the recording. It's one of those drafts you can't lose, you can't throw away and pretend it doesn't exist, because it's there. It's there for you to make it a full song.

And that's what I do. I get dressed in jeans wear, a hoodie and sneakers, wash my mouth, put my phone in my pocket and run down the building's stairs, with intentions of driving straight to the studio I rented this morning for me and my team. I know Harry is not coming back home until three in the afternoon, and this is all the time I need to finish the song.

Once it's all said and done - and they didn't even ask me how I came up with the concept of the song, and I thank God each five seconds for this -, I go back home in time to order some Chinese food for lunch. The spring season just started a few days ago, so it's not that cold outside. It's just perfect for something I just invented to make up for the last night.

"Niall?" Harry screams once he opens the door. "Niall, where are you?"

"Kitchen!" I scream back, and he runs to me, almost knocking me to the ground when his body crahses into mine. "What the hell, H?"

"It's ' _Sign of the Times_ '!" My eyes go widen with his words. "I couldn't wait. I'm sorry. I tried to make a whole mystery around it, but you're the love of my life, so I had to tell you before everyone else."

"Does your family know?"

"No. I'm gonna tell them now via FaceTime." Harry is smiling so much that it makes me smile too. He's fucking happy with what he's about to do, and if he's happy, so am I. "What did you cook for lunch?"

"Didn't. Ordered chinese food instead", I shrug, kissing him right after. "But I was thinking of something else."

Five minutes later, we're sitting on the rooftop terrace of the building, sharing the same plate, two different cups of Pepsi, staring at half of Los Angeles in front of us and singing random songs that make each other laugh all the time. Because it's one of our last moments by ourselves like this, and I want it to be special.

"Daddy", Harry breaks the one-minute silence we just had after finishing the entire food. His voice is more serious than the appropriated for the word he just said, and it worries me for five seconds.

"Yeah?" I say back.

"Wow, you answered me at 'daddy'. I'm sorry, I have to use for the rest of the day", he smirks a bit, then becomes serious again. "In a few weeks we'll get busy with our music again."

"I know, Haz."

"And we won't see each other in a while if we don't come up with something to make it work."

"I know it too, Haz."

"I don't wanna lose you." He says, resting his head on my right shoulder, his eyes staring at the sky, his breath in sync with mine. "I love you, Niall James Horan. I want you to know it."

I smile.

"I love you back, Harold", I kiss the top of his head. "I'll love you for a thousand years if it's necessary, and I want us to last for that whole time too."


	16. fifteen: harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one with the show in Japan, part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: trigger content involving abusive relationships

It's been almost **nine months** since that talk in the roof of Niall's apartment complex. My first solo album came out to the world, executives said it was a worldwide hit, my family loved it, Niall loved it - but he doesn't count since he heard it before everybody else. I started my first solo world tour, and executives also said it's practically sold out, my family has been on a few shows, and so did Niall.

He was with me at my show in Los Angeles back in September, and he was all smiles about it. I could see him in the crowd, and it was the most beautiful thing to see him smiling at me all the time. One of the reasons why I truly believe the second show of the tour was better than the first one - because he was there.

I fucking miss him. Our schedules are not matching lately, and now that I'm in Tokyo, I can't even call him because he's probably sleeping - and snoring. 

_God, I'd give my all to hear him snoring next to me again._

"Harry?" Gemma slaps my face, making me come back to reality. "You were daydreaming again!"

"Fuck, I'm sorry", I slap myself too. "Sorry, Gemma, what were you saying?"

"For your relief, I wasn't saying anything. But I was about to ask why you were staring so hard at the ceiling."

I let out a deep breath. She slowly tilts her head to the side.

"Horan." It's all she says, and it's all I need to think about him again. "You miss him."

"More than I thought I would, Gemma. Way more."

"Do you think you'll be able to go back to LA and see him before Christmas?" She asks, starting to try to fix my hair right after.

"I was thinking of inviting him and the Horans to have dinner with us before Christmas, in fact", the words slip out of my mouth. "Oh, shit. It was supposed to be a secret."

"A secret? From who? Because it seems like you've been hiding it from, literally, everyone", the ironical way in which she says these words makes me laugh hard. "I think mom would love it. Niall is already family to us, you know, she would love to bond with Maura and Bobby again. She misses them too."

"I know", I shrug a bit. "But I don't know if it's too early for that."

"Early? Harry, are you listening to yourself?" Gemma stops messing with my hair, standing in front of me instead. "You two have been together for almost a full year. It's about time to join the families. Don't say otherwise."

☸☸☸☸

I've been thinking about Gemma's words for a couple of hours. It's almost show time and I'm still here backstage, pacing back and forth the hallway, trying to elaborate the right words to tell Niall once I decide to call him and his family for Christmas.

My phone rings almost as if God decided to stop me from going crazy.

"Haz", his soft voice calms me down in two seconds. "I miss you."

"Ni. I miss you too, you can't imagine how much", I say, a smirk appearing in my lips right after that. "How are you?"

"I'm... fine. I mean, I could be better if you were here, but I truly believe I'll be fine in a few seconds once I do this."

"Do what?"

"Ask you to turn around."

Once I do what he says, my heart almost jumps out of my body before going back to its initial position. _I can't believe it._ I mean, I can. _Of course I can._ It's fucking real.

The first thing I do is, obviously, run in his direction without thinking twice about it, and the second thing I do is wrap my arms around his neck.

"You wanna kill me?" I scream right into his ears, and he laughs out loud.

"No, babe", he says, his voice still keeping the soft tone of the phone call. "Just wanted to be with you."

"Oh, my God, the time zone, you must be so tired!"

"A bit. But I think I can watch you run that motherfucking stage tonight", we're still cuddled in the middle of the hallway. "You're being such a silly boy, Harold. Everyone is watching us."

"I don't give a fuck", I say, finally letting go of his grip and allowing him to kiss my lips.

 _Fuck._ Three months without the taste of his lips touching mine can really do things to my brain.

"I missed you so much, cookie jar", I mutter to him, and he grins a bit. "Do you already have a place to sleep? Where's your backpack? Did you bring somebody with you and I'm missing it too?"

"Harry, stop, stop", Niall is still laughing at me when he starts tickling me to make me shut my mouth. "No, I don't have a place to sleep, I literally just booked a flight for me yesterday because I just wanted to see you before the end of the year and stuff. My backpack is... well, in my back, if you don't see it, not my problem", he laughs again, but with his own words. "No, I'm here by myself. There's probably a security guard in the outside, but again, not my problem anymore."

"I'm so happy you're here. I'm serious." I kiss him one more time, just to make sure he's _really_ here. "I'll just do this show and we can do anything for tonight, okay?"

"Of course, Haz. Now go there and kill it."

☸☸☸☸

"Tokyo, I'm so happy to be here tonight. Y'all have no idea", I say through the mic, while sitting down at the piano chair to perform a song. "You know, it's our last show for 2017, but it still feels like it's the first one. It's a magical feeling."

I search through the crowd with my eyes until I find Niall's face. He's out there, a hat covering his head so people won't recognize him, and there's a security guard by his side. I literally only see him because of his dazzling eyes shining right at me - eyes I could recognize anywhere.

"It's been an incredible year. I had my single out, my album out, my first solo tour... it's all just mesmerizing to me." I say the last part staring straight at Niall, who smiles a bit. 

_Of course he's the mesmerizing part for me._

"Anyway, I hope you're enjoying what we're doing for y'all tonight. I wanna sing something special." 

That's when I start playing the first chords for _You & I_. The crowd goes crazy, of course, because they love it when we remind of One Direction songs together, but I only have eyes for Niall fucking Horan now. And he's a bit scared, too. He will probably go insane on backstage and yell at my face something like _"I thought we had a deal of no. One Direction. songs. between. us. Did you hear me?"_ , but I don't care right now. 

I don't even know why I had this idea, if it's just because of Tokyo or because Niall is here and I know how hard it has been for both of us to keep a secret relationship in the midst of so much fame, airplanes and flashlights. Maybe it's both reasons walking along together. Maybe it's none of them, maybe I'm going crazy with the fear of losing him and this is why I'm singing this song in special, but as I said, I don't care right now.

For the entire song, I don't look in Niall's eyes, my mind doing its best to not fail with it, because I know that if I do, I'll miss the next verse. He's that distracting.

☸☸☸☸

Once the band members start playing the outro for "Kiwi" and I say goodbye to the crowd, I run off the stage, compliment everyone who worked so hard for the show and walk to my dressing room so I can take off my clothes.

Niall is already there, waiting for me, with an amused look on his face and his legs crossed on the couch.

"I thought we had a deal of..." He starts complaining, but I interrupt him by coming closer and pecking his lips softly.

"No One Direction songs between us", I complete his words, and he smirks a bit. "I know. I just couldn't resist singing that song in particular now that you're here."

"I know you had your best intentions... wait, _that song_ in particular? What do you mean?"

"Niall, you know what I mean", I kiss his cheek, bringing him closer and closer until his body is resting above mine in the couch. "It means we can make it until the end and I won't let nothing come in between us."

I don't need to look at him to know he's smiling.

"Did I already say today that I'm really happy you're here?" I say. _I think it's time._ "I mean, after all the things I've been through, I thought I'd never find love. I mean, a true one."

"Harold."

"No, it's okay. I **want** to talk about **that** ", I feel my entire body shivering at the thought of telling him about that shit. "I think you need to know it before anybody else tells you that. I'm sick and tired of media trying to stay between our lives... even when they don't know they're doing it, they end up making me panic all the time."

"I'm sorry if you feel that way."

"Don't be", my fingers touch his hair to calm him down. "I am the one who's sorry for being caught by that big asshole called Louis. At the time, I thought I knew why I fell in love with him. I really did. He was charming, he was hot, he was everything I wanted. The first kiss was... somewhat magical. But he did not smile. In fact, his eyes were open. Just like that line in Bruno Mars' song Grenade."

"King of references." Niall lets his lips touch my neck, and I shiver again. "You don't have to tell me, Harry, you know it too well."

"I want to." I answer him, calling back my memories of those years. "Anyways... he called me boyfriend before I could think about it a second time. I mean, I was surrended by everything he did to me in the beginning, but I still thought we should have had another kind of first step. You know, sometimes my mind goes crazy and makes me wanna do things in the right way, although my entire career is far away from that."

"I know."

"And once I was Louis Tomlinson's boyfriend, he met my family, I met his too, and they were adorable. They still are. I still talk to Lottie." We both smirk a bit. _She's really adorable._ "I tried to ignore the warning signs all the time when he was with me. I only had eyes for him, and I thought he was my forever. Things started going in the wrong direction during the production of Four."

"What?"

"Yeah. This is why we didn't go to the studio in the first day of recording. Is it too late to say I'm... sorry?" He shrugs, kissing my neck again. "We had a discussion. He wasn't happy with the fact that we still couldn't write the entire album, and I tried to calm him down, but it wasn't enough. He pushed me so hard that I ended up falling to the ground and twisting my left foot."

"The sling on your foot for the next two weeks. so it was... that?" I can feel the fear in his words, fear of me confirming this. 

But I have to. I nod with my head, and he holds me even tighter.


	17. sixteen: niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one with the end of revelations and... huh... you'll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: a little bit of sex terribly written by ME!

"The sling on your foot for the next two weeks. So it was... that?"

When Harry nods as a "yes", I can almost feel what he feels by saying that without even a touch, without even a word right after he nods. I try to bring his body even closer to mine, just to let him know that I'm here for him. I can't believe I wasn't there when all those things happened to him. 

"I wish I was there, Haz."

"There was no way you could know what was going on, babe", he says, and I know he's just trying to be nice about the situation.

"No, you don't understand", my fingers start caressing his back, "you don't understand how bad I feel for not being there, Harry. You were in such a heavy pain, and literally, the only reason that made me not get involved in between your relationship with Louis was because I didn't want to ruin what you called 'happiness'. I made myself feel happy because you said you were happy, but deep inside, I was broken."

"Niall, you literally did not allow Louis to step into our shared bedroom for the whole time I had the sling on my foot", a weak laugh is heard from Harry's mouth, "don't you remember? He was fucking pissed off because of that, but he couldn't do anything because I didn't tell anyone the reason why I almost broke my foot."

"And so he stood away for a while."

"And so he stood away for a while. But it wasn't enough, of course", I feel the aura of the conversation going back to its dark roots. "He saw how good I was when around you, and started cursing me every day for not loving him with my entire existence, or something like that. He even thought I was cheating on him with you in a certain point."

"What?" I can't stop myself from letting out a scream. "Sorry. Didn't want to interrupt you."

"You're not. I was shocked that he could believe we were together when it was, in fact, what I wanted at the time."

"Dork."

"Shut up, I was trying not to love you at that time, but it was impossible. You were so adorable, and I was in such a bad situation with Louis, I was completely out of love with him, but I couldn't do anything to get out. I'm sorry."

"No, Harry, please, don't", I literally jump out of the couch, getting on my knees in front of him and holding his hands under mine. "Please. You were the victim. You should never, ever, take the blame for something you didn't do. If Louis was so threatening and you felt like you had no choice but to stay with him, there's no other argument. You know what it was, right?"

He looks at me like he knows the answer, but the words won't ever come out of his mouth.

"I ended things with Louis in the moment I realized we would break up sooner or later, because of the hiatus of the band. And because I knew he didn't want to be with me either. And because I wanted to, at least, kiss you before we went on separate ways."

"A thing that did not happen."

"Yeah. I had the guts to break up with that shitty man, but didn't have courage to talk to you about that", he slightly shrugs, letting his head rest on the arm of the couch. "I'm sorry."

"I told you to not be sorry, Harold."

"I wish I couldn't admit when I'm sorry."

"Then you'd be an arrogant son of a bitch", I roll my eyes, making him laugh again.

"Well, guess I should take notes of that and put it into a song someday."

"Yeah, you should."

"I love you, Niall."

"I love you, Harry."

☸☸☸☸

The sun is already up outside my hotel bedroom, and there's no other option for me but to get up and live this day. Harry and I decided to sleep in separate rooms so people won't start talking about it for the moment, and there's an unwritten rule between us about only coming out to the world when we're both ready.

After taking a quick bath and changing my clothes, I take my phone in my hands so I can text him a bit.

**Message from Niall**

Can I sneak into your room?

**Message from Harry**

Wow wow wow

Niall Horan breaking rules?

**Message from Niall**

I literally took a 12-hour plane to SEE YOU

And I'm NOT looking at you

Can you BELIEVE?

**Message from Harry**

Door is open

Without thinking a lot about it, like the other times I was in doubt about breaking a rule for Harry Styles, I go to his bedroom, being careful so no one else would see me on the way.

Once I enter the room, he's not there to be found.

"Harold?"

"Bathroom!" He screams, and I walk in slow steps to where he is.

I almost faint when I see his body in full. No clothes. No make up to hide new tattoos he may have had in the last couple of weeks. His hair is a mess. _All_ kinds of hair.

"Harry!" I shout to him, closing my eyes in the following seconds. "What are you doing?!"

"Going to take a bath, duh. What else would I do?"

"You could ask me to wait in the bed!"

"Wouldn't be so funny", I feel Harry's fingers touching my neck, and I open my eyes.

Now his face is very close to mine, and he kisses the top of my head before his lips meet mine, in a very long, so awaited, fucking messy kiss.

"Come with me?" He asks, and my eyes open wide with his question. "Happy nine months, babe."

"Fuck. Guess I gotta go."

I don't know how, but as soon as I start thinking about it, I'm in the shower with Harry. We're both naked, my back up against the wall and his lips still kissing mine as if the whole world depends on it. (Maybe it does.) My hands are messing with his hair, his hands are on my hip bone, and I can't complain about it. It's been a long time ever since we were in such a hot situation like this one.

"Niall", he whispers, looking deep in my eyes, as if he's asking for permission to do something else.

"Go", I say, a single word that even surprises me in the back of my mind.

I close my eyes and let him kiss my neck. Harry softly sucks my skin, making a moan come out of my mouth.

"Like that?" He asks, smirking a bit once he hears me groaning again.

"If you keep asking that, I'll regret this whole shit", my voice sounds so low at this point but still Harry laughs, kissing me again.

 _Shit_. I hope the marks on my neck fade away before Christmas or we'll be in trouble.

Suddenly I feel one of his hands touching my crotch, while his other hand is still on my waist.

"Harry."

"Only if you want me to", he whispers again, sucking the skin of my neck right after.

"I want", my answer is all he needs to move on.

The following minutes are full of pleasure as Harry moves my _little toy_ (sorry for the lack of words, I probably never went so far with any man before) up and down, his lips kissing my cheeks, my chin, my collarbone and my mouth in intercalated moments.

"Down."

"You sure, Niall?"

"I said... get. Down."

I can't even believe in my own actions right now. Although I did this before with Harry, a couple of months ago, every time still feels for me like it's my first one. I guess it's a good thing, right? Guess it is.

Then Harry gets on his kness and starts blowing me with the biggest amount of the perfect mix of lust and passion he can give me now. And it feels right, to melt in his mouth, to roll my eyes while his tongue does fucking amazing things with me, to feel my skin shivering with the touch of his hands on my hip bone.

And to imagine he's in fact the love of my life for making me feel all those things. 

_Ugh. His mind always amazes me. His lips too. Can't complain about it._

"I won't last so much", my voice croaks at the middle of my sentence, and Harry smiles before taking my cock out of his mouth.

"And I'm sure we don't want that so early", he winks at me, "you know what to do."

Yeah. It's my turn to get down and taste him.

☸☸☸☸

"Morning, beautiful", Harry's voice makes me open my eyes.

My body is resting on top of his (even though I was the top one two hours ago, I don't know how we ended up like this), and he's smiling. I can swear to myself his eyes are shining like two little stars right now, but maybe it's just my imagination making up things so I can fall in love with Harry Styles even more.

"I love you", I say, resting my chin on his chest.

"Love you back, babe. We should get up and pack our things."

"No. I want to stay here with you until it's dinner time", he laughs when he sees me pouting.

"I really want it too, but we must go back home, Niall."

"What home?"

"Huh, good question. What home you wanna go?"

"It means you're free?"

He smiles once again.

"Harry, what are you planning?" There's a serious expression in my face now.

"Why do you think I'm planning something?"

"You don't fool me", I finally give up and sit myself in the bed, giving him space to sit up too. "There are two possibilites here: one, you're planning some kind of surprise for me, even though I'm the one who surprised you here in Tokyo. Two, you're just letting me choose the next place because your plan was to surprise me at Ireland and now I ruined it."

"Smart boy", Harry kisses the top of my head, "get up. We're going to LA, I want some private time with you before..." He stops himself and plans to run to the bathroom just to not give me an excuse for that.

"Harold. Edward. Fucking. Styles." I run after him, but he locks himself before I can reach him. "Harry, what's going on?"

"I want to ask you something, but I'm afraid you'll say no."

"Harry."

"And I should be totally okay about it, but deep inside I know I'm not."

"Harold."

"Do you want to bring the Horans to spend Christmas with me and my family?"

My mouth opens and closes a few times for a minute. _So this is the reason why he was so scared?_

"Haz. Open the door." I knock two times at the bathroom's door, and slowly Harry opens it.

That's the part when I kiss him on the lips and almost push his body to the sink. We both laugh.

"Silly boy. Of course we say yes."

"But..."

"And you still think they will refuse the offer? I'm speaking for them too. It will be the best Christmas ever."


	18. seventeen: harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one with the Christmas in family

"Wake up, Niall", I whisper in his ears, while he's still asleep by my side in our bed. "Wake up. Gemma may ruin our happiness any time."

"But I want to sleep more..." He says, pouting his lips a bit. "Please."

"We can't." He suddenly gives up, sitting up in the bed and kissing my cheeks. "Wow. What an excitement for such a morning."

"It's December 24. Our families will spend the Christmas eve together for the very first time, we've been dating for almost like a year or something like that, even though you insist on saying it's been only nine months... what else could make me sad about this?" The soft voice of his while he's blurting out all those words make me grin. "What, Harold?"

"You're just too cute to handle", I shrug, standing up on my feet and walking to the bathroom. Before I lock the door, I turn around and face Niall's lazy smile. "Shower?"

"Can't risk Gemma coming here."

"You are **absolutely** right", we wink to each other, and I close the bathroom's door.

A few minutes later, we're already walking down the stairs, and my mom is the first one to come and hug us with good morning wishes. Robin greets us right after her.

"Where's Gemma?" I ask.

"Groceries for the evening", Robin answers me, and Niall looks at me the second after that.

"We _could_ have gone to the shower", he mutters to me, making me laugh in such a wrong time to do so.

"Shut up, _sugar_ ", I gently pat his shoulders, and we sit aside Anne and Robin to have a nice breakfast with them.

We eat, we laugh, we talk about the weather, the TV programming for the midnight hour, things to do before Niall's family arrives, things to do with the Horans once they're here...

...and Niall keeps his hands on my thighs almost the entire time of the breakfast. Which, obviously, makes me go crazy a little bit every time he looks at me while _still_ keeping his hands _there_.

Once we're finished, I get up from my chair just to help mum with the dishes, leaving Niall and Robin to talk by themselves in the dinner room. For a couple of minutes, miss Anne does not say a thing. But there's something in her eyes.

"Mom."

"What?" She turns around, trying not to look at me.

"You wanna say something."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do", my voice goes a bit lower, and she wipes her hands with a dish towel.

"You've changed so much ever since last Christmas", she says, while I'm still washing a glass cup in my hands. "Everything changed when Niall came here for New Year's eve... it was one of the first times I saw you truly smiling. Every smile before that one you gave him when he was at the door seemed so... empty. Or something like that. And I didn't know what to do to make you smile again."

"Mom..."

"I'm just so happy you allowed love to fill you again, Harry." 

"Guess you should say it to Niall, too. He's the one who started all this storm." _Fucking Niall Storm_ , I say to myself in my mind. "I love him."

"I know you do. We love him too. Me, Robin, Gemma, her fiancé..."

"Her... _what_?"

☸☸☸☸

"How could you not tell me you were going to get married?" It's the first thing I basically scream right in Gemma's face, once she passes through the main door of our house.

"Harry..." Niall puts his hands on my shoulders. "Don't."

"It was supposed to be a surprise! I would tell you in the dinner", she screams too, leaving all the grocery bags with Robin. "Thank you." She tells him, before bringing her attention back to me. "Who told you that?"

"Harry... don't." My boyfriend whispers to me, but still I don't listen to him.

"Mum. She slipped the words out, she didn't mean to", I say, and Gemma rolls her eyes.

"Mom! I can't believe it!" She marches to the kitchen, leaving us alone in the living room.

"Haz." Niall calls me again, patting the couch so I can sit next to him.

"I'm sorry, I'm just... outraged? Is that the right word when someone does not tell you such an important thing?"

"I didn't tell you back in 2015 that I was into you, but you never reacted like this."

"It's not the same thing."

"OK, it's not, I just tried to make you feel less... outraged", I lean my head so I can rest myself in his thighs. "Look, it's okay. But if she didn't tell you before, she had her reasons. You didn't even want to listen to what she had to say, babe."

"I know."

"I don't wanna play devil's advocate here or something like that, but you should go and talk about it with her."

"I know, Ni."

"Then why don't you go?"

"Because it's way more comfortable to stay here with you and calm down my nerves for a while."

He smirks, and I feel his hands caressing my hair for a long time until I fall asleep in his lap.

When I wake up, I feel somewhat lost in what I see now. It's not the living room, and I have no idea about how I ended up in my bedroom, with all my clothes changed and a French scent of perfume on me.

I look up to every single direction of the room, but no one is here to be found. I get up from bed, look at my cellphone and almost jump in fright when I see it's already 4:12PM and probably Niall's family is already here for Christmas. 

When I'm walking down the stairs for the second time this day, I see Gemma waiting for me.

"We should talk." She says in a serious tone, and meets me in the middle of the stairs. "My bedroom."

"Huh... okay", I agree, walking back to her room, which is right next to mine.

Once we're inside, she invites me to lay down next to her in her queen-sized bed. It's kind of a thing we used to do every time I was home for the holidays and One Direction was still a worldwide hit. Something to keep us bonded, I guess. 

She's staring at the ceiling. I'm staring at her.

"I was scared to say yes." She starts talking, but it still seems like she's trying to let out her deepest fears. I understand her, and my mind decides not to interrupt her until she's finished. "I always think of what would you do in my place, Harry. In almost every single situation of my life that has been haunting me since you became famous. So, when he proposed to me under the tree where we shared our first kiss, I was scared as shit. Because that's not the kind of thing that would happen to you, and so I couldn't ask myself what you would do. It was the first big decision I had to take by myself. And I said yes because I love him, and I felt so free and happy for saying yes that I forgot about all the times I compared myself to you. And I didn't know how to tell you, and I swear I would tell you tonight. Please, forgive me for that."

Niall was fucking right when he said I should listen to her reasons first. He's always right. 

"Now I feel guilty for screaming at you earlier", a weak laugh blurts out of my mouth. "I'm so sorry for acting like that. I just... my sister is a grown up now! It's something that scares everyone else in a situation like that. And I could say I would have said yes to him too, but the truth is: never compare yourself to anyone, Gemma. Ever. You're unique, and take decisions by yourself is one of the greatest things to do when you wanna know who you are. I don't have to be a standard for your decisions. No one does. And I'm very, very happy you put your happiness first. And I'm fucking happy for you."

☸☸☸☸

"There he is!" Bobby is the first Horan one to say something once I appear in the living room. "The Sleeping Beauty of Prince Niall."

"You didn't say that, dad", Niall's eyes are wide open now once he says those words, "you just didn't say that. I'll pretend you didn't."

"It was a good joke, Ni", my body jumps to Niall's side in the couch, while my right arm rests above his shoulders. "Let him be."

"So do you agree with all this heteronormative shit of prince and princess?"

"Niall is such a woke legend. I stan him", Greg jokes, making us all laugh out loud.

"I like to believe we all can be the prince and the princess in... some situations", I joke back, and everybody laughs even louder.

Except for Niall, whose eyes are still in shock.

"Dinner's ready!" My mom screams from the kitchen. "Everybody can come to the dinner room, please?"

"Let's go", Robin says, getting up from his chair.

"By the way", Niall whispers to me, once we're sitting side by side at the table, "I took you to your bed, changed your clothes and sang some lullabies to keep you sleeping. Literally. Don't tell anyone about it."

The French perfume. His perfume. Of course.

"Fuck it, I love you, Niall."

"Fuck it, I love you back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the story is coming to an end. two chapters left.


	19. eighteen: niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one with the end... for now.

"I'm so glad you're all here tonight", Miss Anne starts what it seems to be a speech, once we all finished our plates. "A true pleasure. I gotta tell a short story about it."

"Mom?" Harry suddenly yells at her. "What are you gonna do?"

"Last Christmas my son came home. And he was all smiles to everyone. But as soon as the midnight hour came in, he was a bit... melancholic. Or something like that. I could tell there was something wrong with him, but I didn't have the guts to ask about it. I could also tell he would never tell me, his mother. Because he's just like that sometimes."

"Mom..."

"Everything changed when Niall surprised us in New Year's eve. There was a shine in Harry's eyes, and I knew immediately what was going on", I look at my boyfriend while she's still talking to us.

"I didn't... know that part", I whisper to him. "I thought you were fine with everyone."

"I feel too shy to talk about it now", he tells me, his lips forming a thin line.

"And here we are, almost a year later, reunited for this special night. I just wanna say I'm very thankful to see each one of you here. Especially Niall", all the attention in the table turns to my shocked face. "You reminded my son of loving himself. You reminded him of happiness, the kind of happiness no mother in the world can give to a son. You reminded him of why he's so special, and you showed to all of us how a smile can change an entire mood. Thank you for being here."

And there she is, miss Anne Twist, crying in front of me. My first instinct leads me to get up from my chair and embrace her in a tight hug.

"I love you too, Anne", I say, and it seems like she's way more emotional now. "I love this entire family. I felt like I was a part of this home even before Harry became my boyfriend, and you know it very well, huh?"

"I do. Thank you."

"It's okay now", Harry also gets up, coming to put his arms around both of us. "It's okay now, but I want the dessert."

"Harold!" I slap his cheek, and he starts laughing. "Her house, her rules. You can order anything when you're in LA."

"It's okay", she says, "I'll bring the dessert for everyone."

Once everyone finds themselves in different rooms of the Styles' home, Harry leads me to the tree in the backyard. I sit down first on an exposed root of the tree, and he clings to my body, his hands on my waist, his nose on my neck, his love next to mine.

"You smell like home", he mutters to me, "I like that."

"I didn't know you were that sad last Christmas, babe."

"I thought it was everything okay at the time. Nothing much going on, I was taking a break from everyone and I thought that's what I needed. My mom just worried to much about a little thing." He gently kisses my neck in between the sentences. "It's okay now."

"I know it's okay now. Everything about you screams PEACE OF MIND or something like that", I hear Harry laughing straight to my ears, and I swear, it sounds like a song. "I was thinking about something."

"What?"

"Once both of our tours end, we should settle down in a new apartment and... maybe, just maybe... adopt a dog."

Harry's lips find mine two seconds later. His smile is so contagious I end up smirking back to him.

"Sounds like a plan", he says. "An amazing one."

"Sounds like a plan."

"But I'll name the dog."

"Hell to the motherfucking no", he jumps in scare of my sudden scream, and it's my turn to laugh at his eyes wide open. "I'm not gonna let you name the dog. Mark my words."

"Why not? What did I do to deserve that?"

"Harry, you literally had a dog on our tour bus for three days and you called him 'Blue Power Ranger'!"

He stops caressing me, trying to find words to say now.

"No way you're still gonna try to defend yourself at this heartless act", I cross my arms in front of me, raising an eyebrow to Harry. "Harold."

"Okay, you'll name the dog. But I'll choose her."

"Oh, you're getting a female dog?"

" ** _We_** are getting a female dog. Daddy."

We just stare at each other's faces after the daddy thing. 

"Stop calling me daddy. My family is here."

"Okay, daddy."

"Harold."

"Guess we should go to the bedroom so I can properly call you daddy."

🜁🜃

"Sometimes a fish is just a fish, Horan."

That's what Harry says to me, once the movie is finished on the TV of our bedroom. Olivia is sleeping in between my legs, and Harry's left arm is resting on my neck.

Oh. I forgot to mention. Olivia is our dog. It happens that she already had this name when we were looking for dogs to adopt into our lives, and it was so funny that she was actually named after one of One Direction's songs that I didn't even mind the fact that rule of "no 1D songs in our lives".

She's everything to us, and we're everything to her. _She's our Olivia._

"You better not start defending this shitty film, you kinky", he laughs out loud after hearing the pet name I recently gave to him, and it makes Olivia jump in fright. "OH, shit, sorry, Olivia. You know how your daddy is."

It's been almost **five months** ever since both of our world tours ended, and we've been sharing our time between studio sessions, family visits and cuddling each other almost every night. He actually told me after touring that he didn't even want to spend one week without me, and that's what we've been trying to do - seeing each other every week, sleeping together too. And all these stuff.

He would laugh even more if he'd catch me saying "and all these stuff". He thinks it's so "not polite", but still never points a finger at me when I say it. Maybe he loves me with flaws and all.

"Let's go to the roof", he suddenly jumps from the bed, picking some clothes and going to the bathroom. 

"What?" I scream once he's already locked, changing his clothes.

"Let's go! Dress up!"

I end up getting dressed in sweatpants and a white hoodie with "Flicker World Tour" written in it. Once he leaves the bathroom, he picks Olivia up from the bed, holding her with one arm, and intertwining the fingers of his free hand on mine. In a couple of minutes between stolen kisses, groans from our dog and the elevator leading us to the roof, we reach the place, and there's already a guitar standing in the middle of the roof.

"Harold?" I ask with a low voice, taking Olivia from his arms. "What are you doing?"

He doesn't answer. Instead, Harry picks up the guitar and plays the first chords of a song we know well.

"My castle crumbled overnight / I brought a knife to a gunfight / They took the crown, but it's alright", he sings, and I already imagine myself crying in a few seconds.

This song represents our state of mind way more than it's supposed to.

"All the liars are calling me one / Nobody's heard from me for months / I'm doing better than I ever was."

I remember how empty I felt after One Direction disbanded. It was all I ever knew, all I could do, all the happiness available for me in a long time. And I remember how I was finally free of the media frenzy. And how I didn't have no one in the business to celebrate it with.

Because I wanted to celebrate it with _him_.

"My baby's fit like a daydream / Walking with his head down, I'm the one he's walking to / So call it what you want, yeah, call it what you want to."

And, yeah, I managed to enjoy a new private life with Harry once I realized that, although I _could_ live without him, I _didn't want to_. I wanted him, against all odds. And he wanted me, too.

"My baby's fly like a jet stream / High above the whole scene, loves me like I'm brand new / So call it what you want, yeah", he grins at me in the middle of the verse, and I smile back, with Olivia still resting in my arms.

"I want to wear his initial on a chain round my neck, chain round my neck / Not because he owns me, but 'cause he really knows me", I start singing too, taking a few steps closer to where he's singing from. "Which is more than they can say..."

"I recall late November, holdin' my breath / Slowly I said, "You don't need to save me... but would you run away with me?" Yes." He completes the bridge of the song, right before he stops playing the guitar. Once he puts it on the floor of the roof, he stands on his knees, taking a little velvet box from his trousers' pocket.

_Oh, shit._

"Haz."

"Will you run away with me forever? Will you be my forever? Will you... marry me, Niall?"

That's exactly what I need to hear before tears start streaming down my face. 

This is it. The calm after the storm. The moment I didn't know I needed right now, but looking at it now, it was just the next step we needed to take.

"I _do_." His smile becomes wider in his face, and he stands up to kiss me and put the silver ring in my finger. "Fuck it, I love you, Harold."

"Fuck it, I'll love you forever, Niall."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't know if i should do an epilogue or something like that. guess i won't. thank you for reading, hope to give y'all a new story soon :)


End file.
